Some things you just seem to know in your gut.

I was reminded of this last week by a press release from an organization trying to defend the practice of hitting kids.

“Disciplinary spanking gets a bum rap,” said the headline of this official-looking notice from the American College of Pediatricians.

The first sentence sounded a little loaded for my taste, too: “With the release of a biased report in the journal ‘Pediatrics’ implying that spanking causes mental disorders, (a researcher) continues the all-too-common unscientific assault on disciplinary spanking.”

I tried not to let the fact that the American College of Pediatricians is based in Florida carry too much weight. Florida, as we all know, is where the National Enquirer and assorted other sensation-mongering tabloids originate. It’s also the state where George Bush apparently beat Al Gore a few years back, in spite of the fact he actually lost the popular vote, even in Florida.

I lived in Florida for a few years, and I can testify there’s something wacky in the air there. Actually, two things: heat and humidity. It can make you a little nuts just breathing all that hot, moist air. But I digress.

This particular story from Gainesville, Fla. (which, in the interest of being fair and balanced, also gave us Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers) kind of rants about the rush to judgment by liberal, pointy-headed scientists (my words, not theirs) who completely overlooked all of the good things about spanking and how the bad things were sort of trumped up by advocates of “non-violent” parenting.

It concludes this way: “So, the researchers study the inappropriate use of harsh physical punishment used at inappropriate ages within dysfunctional families, and state that all spanking should be prohibited. The American College of Pediatricians calls upon researchers and medical publishers to stop this unwarranted assault and return to evidence-based research. Visit www.best4children.org for details on the appropriate use of disciplinary spanking.”

To which I can only reply, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

To that I would like to add that I truly don’t believe the mental problems I have today had anything to do with the handful of spankings I got as a child, even though there were a few of them. I did indeed experience the quandary that occurs when you’re being paddled by a hand or hot-cake turner or a piece of kindling and you can’t decide whether to leave your rear end exposed to blows or to stick your hand in the way and have its bare skin whacked. I figured out at a young age that it is a lose-lose situation.

I don’t believe for a minute that spanking (or, more importantly, the threat of being spanked) warped me or turned me into a drug addict or anything — probably because my parents were not idiots, and also because I chose not to continue the sort of behavior that attracted that kind of reaction.

Still, I can’t accept the fact it’s really ever OK to whack a kid. Now that I’m one of the big people in charge of things, I’m convinced in my heart of hearts that it’s not necessary.

When you outweigh a little munchkin by 100 pounds or more, you have the size advantage, not to mention the edge in intelligence. You can, after all, threaten serious consequences (like taking away toys, games, TV, computer or other privileges) without resorting to violence.

Why am I so sure about this, even though I’m hardly ever really sure about anything? It’s quite simple: In no other aspect of life do we consider it OK to solve our problems with hitting people.

Sure, there are people you’d like to smack; I encounter several of those a day — the TriMet driver who won’t tell you what bus you want; the newspaper reader who complains about something not being in the paper even when it was; people who claim to be conservative but at the same time think you should believe everything they believe — and will not, for even a single moment, shut up about it.

Civilized people don’t solve their problems with brute force, and that should apply to how we handle children.

I was raised on westerns and war movies, so I was pretty well indoctrinated in the What Would John Wayne Do? philosophy. The lesson I have decided to take away from that, however, is that we should always try to do what’s right, stick up for the underdog and yes, even fight for our rights when necessary.

But arguing that it’s OK to hit kids is insane. And I for one am getting tired of listening to the constant yapping of the insane.

Former managing editor of the Beaverton Valley Times and The Times, serving Tigard, Tualatin and Sherwood, Kelly is now chief of the central editing and design desk for Community Newspapers and the Portland Tribune, and he contributes a regular column.