On the Town

Hope the kids get plenty of popcorn

Earlier this week, says KGW's Vince Patton, he was standing in line at Regal's Lloyd Cinemas to see 'Pirates of the Caribbean' - and every time someone bought a ticket, the girl at the window would ask them if they'd like to contribute $1 to something called the Stars of Hope children's fund. …

'And where,' asked the woman in front of Vince - perhaps more suspicious than your average moviegoer - 'are the children this fund helps?' … Without missing a beat, the ticket seller replied, 'Oh, we keep them locked in the basement.' Next, please. …

Leave it to Radio Cabbie Bruce Wilson to notice a bus sign with the P-town Police Bureau's new recruiting slogan: 'For every Portland police officer there's a story.' … Says Bruce: 'Do you suppose they came up with that before or after the gal released Chief Foxworth's e-mails?' … Another sign of the times - this one in front of a Kirby Co., which sells what some call the Rolls-Royce of vacuum cleaners: 'Vacuums That Suck!' … Now if I can just come up with $2,500 or so to buy one of these little hummers. Are you kidding?

• • •

'Honestly,' says Northwest Palate magazine editor Angie Jabine, 'I never know whether to wrinkle my nose in distaste or laugh like a hyena every morning when I cross the Morrison Bridge in downtown Portland and see the sign for Bistro Montage and its La Merde Lounge, painted on the side of building. … Doesn't anyone over there have a French dictionary?' … Actually, Angie, I think the problem is that they do. … Blogging professor Jack Bogdanski, who reads The New York Times cover to cover, says New York City is planning to require Critical Mass, the radical bike club that gets its jollies tying up rush-hour traffic, to get a parade permit. … Could it happen in Portland, too? That'll be the day. … Kudos to Erik Sten for forcing the P-town Development Commission - which, incidentally, sucks up one-fifth of the city's property tax dollars - to transfer some of its power to City Hall. For decades now, it's been the biggest scam in P-town - started in the '50s by dealmaker Ray Kell, taken to new heights by Neil Goldschmidt and his minions. Enough is enough.

• • •

Just as well that the yo-yo from the Jerry Garcia estate didn't stop by in person to tell Carl Sandstrom to stop naming pizzas after the former Grateful Dead guitarist. … Sandstrom is not only a black-belt karate expert (tournament name: 'Space Cowboy'), but currently is training in mixed martial arts at Randy Couture's gym in Gresham. … A word to the wise - in case you were thinking of starting something at Sandstrom's It's a Beautiful Pizza. …

Good news for Peaches, the pig rescued from the Columbia near Salty's, about five miles downstream from Government Island, where she gave some campers the slip, perhaps after realizing she was about to become the main course for dinner that night. … Linda Addy, Salty's general manager, has decided to adopt the courageous little porker, vowing that she will be allowed to spend the rest of her life on a farm belonging to the parents of one of Salty's employees. … More proof, as if it were needed, that there really is such a thing as Hog Heaven.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..