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Greetings from Nevada's Alaska

Professional smartass Stephen Colbert, who does 'The Colbert Report' on Comedy Central, is at it again. …

Several months ago, in an interview with Darlene Hooley, he tried to get the congresswoman's goat by referring to Oregon as 'California's Canada' and 'Washington's Mexico'. … 'No, Stephen,' Hooley replied, 'Oregon is a beautiful state' - which, of course, it is. … But did that shut up Colbert once and for all? It did not. … As if that weren't enough in the unforgivable slander department, this week on his show he referred to our fair state as 'Idaho's Portugal.' Whatever that means, it's obviously time to boycott his show. … Man of mystery Loren Sutherland, who was in the high-priced seats at last week's Steely Dan concert, swears the first words out of the mouth of Steely Dan pianist Donald Fagen were: 'Good evening, Portland!' … And what's more, if anyone clued Fagen in to the fact that the Clark County Amphitheater is actually in Ridgefield, Wash., he never bothered to correct himself. … For lack of anything better at the moment, we'll take that as a sign of respect.

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They're not going down without a fight over on Hawthorne. … Showcase Music owner John Chassaing, who's been out distributing 'Say No to Parking Meters!' signs to merchants up and down the boulevard, says more than 80 percent are against it. … The city, which, of course, would like the additional revenue, says parking meters will bring in more business to the area. 'Yeah, right,' says Chassaing. … Latest chapter in the saga of the feuding Kassabs: A Washington judge has thrown out a lawsuit by Vanessa Sturgeon (nee Kassab) and siblings, charging that their father, Ellie Kassab, somehow breached his 'fiduciary duty' by not giving them a $3.5 million theater complex, held in trust for the children, that their mother gave him in a divorce settlement. … Not his fault, said the judge, Diane Woolard. If the kids still have a problem, she seems to suggest, they can always sue their mother. Great.

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Tear up Burnside and Couch and turn them into one-way streets? … Well, why not. I mean, why miss a chance to throw the entire city into utter pandemonium. … Jeri Jenkins, who works for the city's Keep Portland Moving department, informs me that in addition to 16 major capital improvement projects (such as the transit mall, upper Burnside, Hawthorne, Sandy Boulevard and Chinatown), there also are 12 private construction projects (including Meier and Frank, the parking garage across from Fox Tower and several in the Pearl), plus 11 utility projects tying up traffic around P-town. … On the other hand, as the economists say, that's a lot of money cycling into the local economy. … I may be out of town myself, but on Aug. 13 Jake's Famous Crawfish is throwing something called a Dog Days of Summer dinner: For just $50, you get two three-course meals - one for yourself and one for your pooch - organic dog biscuit, choice of a tuna, salmon hash or braised lamb entree, plus an after-dinner mint cookie. All proceeds go to the DoveLewis animal clinic. … Organizers say they expect about 300 humans and as many as 175 dogs, and that's a howling success any way you look at it.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..