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Buy-local billboard is a real stinker

'Dungeness Crab,' says the big orange billboard on McLoughlin: 'Leave the Guts at the Grocers.' É I know, it's an attempt to get folks to buy Oregon products, but eee-yuk. Wonder what Brand Oregon genius came up with that one? É Insiders say Tom Potter's first move as mayor may be to shake up things over at the cop shop. If so, look for Southeast Precinct Capt. Rosie Sizer to take over at the bureau's No. 2 spot, replacing Chief Derrick Foxworth's longtime memo-writing buddy Stan Grubbs. É Grubbs, a well-known nit-picker, is the guy behind the bureau's quota system for traffic violations Ñ although of course they don't call it that. 'Performance expectations' is the proper phrase. É Rosie, on the other hand, is known as more of a people person. É The latest Portland Monthly says P-town is fast becoming a haven for indie rock musicians Ñ meaning, apparently, just about everyone besides Britney Spears. As author Sylvan Goldberg freely admits, it's a little hard to define them. but they're definitely pouring in, and probably because the rents are lower here than in New York and Los Angeles. Question: Does this mean we don't get Ashlee Simpson, either?

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Oregon's genial special agent in charge of the Drug Enforcement Agency, Ken Magee, can say no to just about everything except good coffee Ñ which he sometimes carries with him to banquets and other social functions in his own thermos. É Just in case the stuff being offered isn't high-octane enough, you understand. My recommendation for a cold winter's night in P-town Ñ and in case you haven't been paying attention, the weatherman says a few of them are on the way: chicken and dumplings at Ken's Place at 1852 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd. É They also serve who only sit and repair jewelry, says my pal Diamond Dave Rogoway. And so it is that this Saturday, Cutter's Jewelry, on Southwest Broadway, will donate all such proceeds to Northwest Medical Teams' tsunami relief efforts in Southeast Asia. É Literary lion Larry Colton looked at his AOL.com headlines one morning last week, saw the words 'Noted Author Dies' and just about had a heart attack himself. É Had famous writer Norman Mailer, who at age 82 is scheduled to be the star of Colton's literary extravaganza, Wordstock, this spring, departed this earth? É Fortunately for Colton, though not for Susan Sontag, his fears proved unfounded Ñ but he has every reason to worry. Last year Colton, a successful author himself, was interviewing an old World War II submariner for his latest book and the poor guy dropped dead in mid-sentence.

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Campaign notes: If and when I run for mayor as your Clean Money candidate, a highly placed source at City Hall tells me they won't let me spend any of my Clean Money on Maui: 'Not a legitimate campaign expense,' he says. É Nor, for that matter, will they let me, as a second choice, donate the $200,000 to help feed hungry children. 'The money can't be used for the benefit of any person or group' Ñ except, unless I'm misunderstanding something here, politicians. É The geniuses behind this number Ñ which is due to be slipped through the City Council sometime soon Ñ say it would cost us taxpayers only about $1.3 million per election. É Hmm. Wonder if the Police Bureau could find anything to do with that kind of money?

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..