I'm not saying Martha Stewart's in trouble, but today's show was 'How to prepare prison food for 600.'
OK, it's easy to slam Miss Perfect, but what's really happening here? Is Martha that horrible, or is this just another case of selective justice by white males? Luckily, I have an insider source of my own. Let me describe her for you.
Klaudia Keller was sent to Earth to deflate my ego. The Vancouver, Wash., native and former Portland resident has spent decades cutting me down to size. When I mentioned that a certain individual had issues, her reply was, 'Like you don't?' When I sent her a picture of me handing a copy of my Portland Tribune column to Bill Clinton, her comment was, 'It looks like you're bothering him.'
Klaudia Keller is seldom impressed Ñ especially with me. But I think she's great.
She runs her own Seattle-based company, Choice Linens. It supplies fancy tablecloths for functions all over the Northwest. She's worked dinners at Bill Gates' house. She's done an event for Nelson Mandela. I've even helped her several times, including at the cast party for 'Northern Exposure.'
What an incredible sight that was. We were out on this ship, and there was a huge rainbow over downtown Seattle. The guests were a bunch of network types, dozens of Native Americans, and the actors who played Dr. Fleishman, Shelly, Ed, Marilyn and Ruth. It was one of the greatest metaphors for inclusion and the American dream that I've ever seen. And Klaudia was the most charismatic person onboard.
Incidentally, one of her comments to me from those days was, 'Bill, I seem to remember you were a harder worker.'
Klaudia eventually did a party for Martha Stewart, and liked her. Klaudia was impressed, and the two women hit it off, which is not surprising. Both, in their own ways, have succeeded in a male-dominated business world.
So what about the case? Klaudia thinks Martha Stewart is getting jobbed. Sure, Martha did something wrong, but you couldn't walk 10 feet down Wall Street without stumbling over a bigger crime than this.
Do you remember the movie 'Disclosure,' also set in Seattle? It was Hollywood's statement on sexual harassment in the workplace, from the industry that invented casting-couch sex.
Anyway, the men of Hollywood were finally going to tell the sordid story of sexual harassment on the job. They were going to speak out for every female who ever got fired because she wouldn't submit to the lecherous advances of a sex-crazed boss.
So what happens in the movie? Surprise! The villain doing the sexual harassment is a woman played by Demi Moore, and the poor worker who has his career damaged for not giving in
to the sex is a man played by Michael Douglas. What gall!
Still, Hollywood would never have the nerve to use Demi Moore as the villain in the movie 'Wall Street.' For that, it had to be a man Ñ Michael Douglas again.
But in the real world, Martha Stewart has been cast as the ultimate insider trader, while the male-dominated corruption rolls on. Once again, the villain is a woman, and once again, Klaudia Keller is not impressed.
Bill McDonald is a Portland writer and musician.