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Happy Tofurkey Day to you, too

Hope everyone had a Happy Tofurkey Day. What's that, you say? É Well, you obviously didn't see the sign outside Food Front advertising tofurkeys Ñ which are, of course, turkey substitutes made of tofu and white beans Ñ for just $14.95. É Grocery manager Blue Ñ that's it, just Blue Ñ says they typically sell about 70 to 100 of them during the Thanksgiving holiday. É Speaking of tofurkeys: In a scene from the comedy 'Fuddy Meers,' which is wrapping up a very successful run at the Portland Actors Conservatory this weekend, a father and son are driving down the highway, smoking a doobie, when they're pulled over by a cop for going 84 miles an hour. That, of course, was Damon and 'Sheed's magic number, too. É Director Beth Harper swears up and down that they didn't change a thing Ñ it's been in the script from the beginning. É Obviously, just another case of basketball imitating art.

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Cross your fingers for Nocturnal, the new nightclub that opened this week at 18th and East Burnside. Under construction for a year Ñ and completed at the cost of a rumored $1.5 million Ñ it's being run by 22-year-old Bethany Pratt. Insiders say her parents, tile magnates Michael Pratt and Reta Larson of Pratt & Larson Ceramics, put up the dough. É Remarked one first-nighter: 'There's not as much tile as you'd expect.' É For umpteen years now, long before he came to P-town, chief of police Mark Kroeker has been pushing for something called the National Center for Disaster Decision Making. Nice name. É If and when it gets rolling Ñ and apparently the feds are thinking of building one here Ñ he'd be the perfect guy to head it up. É After all, he's the only person in town who has made more disastrous decisions Ñ we're thinking here of the recent awards to the cops who shot and killed Jose Santos Victor Mejia Poot in a hospital room Ñ than Bob Whitsitt.

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'The Boz is Back,' says the cover of the new Portland magazine, and indeed he is. É Jim Bosley, who retired from KATU (2) two years ago as P-town's most popular TV weatherman, will be at the Lawrence Gallery, at Northwest Ninth and Davis this Wednesday for the opening of a show of his Ñ you gotta be kidding Ñ stained-glass mosaic vases. É He's no slouch at this, either. They sell anywhere from $2,000 to $6,000. É Metro exec Mike Burton says that what he actually said was that 'whoever had that job (as chief of staff for governor-elect Ted Kulongoski), it would be plenty tough.' But he didn't actually turn down the job, because it wasn't offered. He is, however, available for other duties in the Kulongoski administration.

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Did you know that Budweiser, the King of Beers itself, was copied after a Czechoslovakian beer called Czechvar? 'It's what Budweiser would like to taste like Ñ a true lager,' says El Gaucho bartender Bob Sterling. É If this fills you with a burning desire to further your education in these matters, Bob, and his distinguished colleague Mark Joseph, will be teaching a course called Bartending 101 this Sunday at P-town's niftiest steakhouse. É Friends of cartoonist John Callahan have been ribbing him about a letter from an angry woman in last week's Willamette Week accusing him of 'passive aggression' brought on by his chronic poverty. In fact, Callahan, who owns a home in the West Hills, is currently the producer of two syndicated TV shows. 'Sorry, honey,' Callahan says.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..