Best rumor out there is that a deal to bring major league baseball to P-town has already been struck. The story goes that big-money backers will put up most of the cash, ˆ la Paul Allen, with municipal bonds filling the gaps. É What's more, Her Honor the Mayor Ñ who definitely has the City Council votes lined up to pull this off Ñ will retire from elective office to run the team. É Well, why not? She'd look good in a baseball cap. É Our deep-cover spy in the local antiwar movement whispers that certain elements are planning a 'Nurse-In for Peace,' to be held at Pioneer Courthouse Square on March 8. É Further, according to our source, organizers say they're hoping to beat the world record for mass breast-feedings Ñ 1,128, in case you're interested Ñ which was set last year in Berkeley, Calif. É There was no accompanying explanation as to whether you're supposed to divide that number by two.
• • •
You will be pleased to know that in a time of economic crisis, your Oregon Board of Massage Therapists Ð- yes, Virginia, there really is one, and it has four staff members Ð- has found time to open an official investigation of practitioner Jefferson Kincaid for telling me that after he gave President Bush a massage last August, he thought that the president's fourth chakra might be blocked. É No, this is not a joke. Kincaid could lose his license over this. É The official charge, according to one of the staffers at the state office, is 'violation of client confidentiality' Ñ although, as she cheerfully acknowledges, they have no idea if the client has ever uttered a word of disapproval. Or, for that matter, whether he even thinks he has a fourth chakra. É This one has national newswire written all over it.
• • •
Let the record show that Inji the Oregon Zoo orangutan picked the wrong team to win the Super Bowl this year. More proof, as if it were needed, that she should have been allowed to watch at least the playoffs on TV. É Animal-rights activists, where are you? É Major Northwest property owner Dick Singer set up a meeting at Papa Haydn on Northwest 23rd to talk former city Commissioner Mike Lindberg into signing on as lobbyist for some new parking structures he wants in the neighborhood. É As Lindberg tells it, the meeting was set for noon, but he arrived 20 minutes late because he couldn't fined a parking place. Not anywhere. É Now that you mention it, it does sound like he might have taken that job already.
• • •
The battle to keep the feds from turning P-town's Pioneer Courthouse into a private parking lot for judges continues, this time over a city permit that would literally pave the way for knocking a garage-door hole into the side of the historic building. É You can't really blame local General Services Administration official Jon Kvistad, because he's only carrying water for singing judge Michael Hogan on this one, but he's formally asked the city for permission to put a driveway up to the north side of the old post office. É Insiders say it's not going anywhere, at least for the time being, because city Commissioner Jim Francesconi, whose portfolio includes the transportation department, is sitting on the request. É All together now: GYCMOOPO! É Which, as you should already know, stands for Get Your Crummy Mitts Off Our Post Office.