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Cmdr. Grubbs at your service

Over at the Southeast precinct, someone apparently got ticked off at a copy machine and gave it a boot, breaking the lower front panel. É 'As a result of this incident,' reads the memo sent out to all hands the next day by precinct Cmdr. Stanley Grubbs, 'Lieutenant Mike Barnes will immediately initiate an investigation into this situation. If necessary, all precinct personnel will be interviewed.' É Go get 'em, Stanley. And while you're at it, will you please check out the new wave of streetwalkers on 82nd? É Blues harmonica virtuoso Paul deLay, just back from a California tour with Huey Lewis, says when he came home he walked in to find another man wearing his slippers and bathrobe. É Oh, no, Paul. É 'And eating my Rice Krispies.' É Say it isn't so. É 'What's more, he was using my teeth!' É Don't worry, folks, he's only kidding.

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Diamond Dave Rogoway, owner of LaRog Jewelers, obviously considers Erik Sten just another one of those socialists running City Hall: 'Whoever runs against you,' he concluded in an angry letter to the commissioner, 'my fat capitalistic wallet is going to open wide for a big donation to defeat you.' É 'Dear Mr. Rogoway,' wrote back Sten: 'I'm delighted that your wallet is fat. You must be doing something right.' É This Sten fellow seems to be getting a mite feisty in his old age. É Leave it to The Business Journal, which published a down-the-nose story on the Trib's second anniversary this month, to forget to mention that they're owned by Advance Publications, the giant New York-based company that also owns The Oregonian, which just happens to be the Trib's chief competitor. É Oh, well, it's hard to remember everything.

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Sooner or later even the state's Board of Massage Therapists, which has been hounding noted practitioner Jefferson Kincaid for discussing the state of George W. Bush's fourth chakra, is bound to catch on. É Last week, Mary Ellen Glynn, communications director for Gov. Kulongoski Ñ whose office, incidentally, must pass on the board's budget Ñ sent her law-professor husband to Kincaid for a deep tissue massage, and he was impressed enough to schedule another session. É Your literary host Kevin Sampsell wishes to announce another meeting of his salaciously successful salon 'Booty Call,' featuring a reading by Mercury Editor Wm. Stephen Humphrey at 8 p.m. this Thursday at Disjecta on Northeast Russell. É 'A naughty and bold night of fun,' he promises, 'with giveaways and surprises and possible nudity.' Let's just hope that's not Humphrey he's referring to there.

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Sources say we can expect an announcement any day now that the forces of truth and justice have prevailed in the fight to save the old Pioneer Courthouse post office from the grubby mitts of the federal judiciary. É If so, Congressman Earl Blumenauer, who led the fight against the takeover, deserves a big round of applause. É Former street musician Billy Hults, who organized the first Mayor's Ball Ñ which started as an attempt to pay off Bud Clark's first campaign debt and grew into an annual celebration of rock and beer before being canceled by Vera Katz when she took office Ñ is back at it. He's currently helping Clark write his memoir. É Bud, incidentally, is still sore at Vera for pulling the plug on the event. Come to think of it, why did she do it, anyway?

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..