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A casino? Sure, just do it on the river

Well, of course the Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde would be willing to finance a baseball stadium in return for permission to put a casino in Portland. With all the money they'd be making, they could build two or three. É My only question is: Who needs the Grand Ronde to run a casino? How long is it going to take before our esteemed elected officials figure this one out? Will someone please put a riverboat casino initiative on the ballot? É How close are Sens. Gordon Smith and Ron Wyden, who recently toured the state together for 'town meetings'? É At one stop, Smith announced that the previous night, he and Wyden had stayed at Smith's home in Pendleton Ñ 'and Ron Wyden spent the night in my daughter's bed.' É Wyden, apparently taken by surprise, blushed. 'She, of course, was not there,' continued Smith.

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Blazer marketing manager Stan Sittser has a plan for getting rid of all those pigeons that, in his opinion, are creating a 'gross-out' at the Rose Quarter. É He'd like to kill them and feed them to the poor. É 'Don't laugh,' he continues in an e-mail that has everyone else in the organization tittering Ñ 'the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro area did this two years ago with problem geese in their parks. É I believe in the Twin Cities the geese were netted. The same technique would appear to be applicable at the Rose Quarter Transit Center, as the birds group up to sun themselves upon the grass from time to time.'É Sounds like a winner to me. Maybe Paul Allen can enlist some of his Blazers who aren't getting that much playing time to do the deed. É Now that I would pay to watch.

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Advertising wizard Greg Tozian was coming out of the Starbucks at Southwest Fourth and Oak last week when he spotted a street person with a stack of books, undoubtedly for resale at one of P-town's finer used book stores, in the baby seat of his shopping cart. On the top of the stack: 'Economic Conditions and Urban Dilemmas.'É More signs of the times: At the corner of Southeast 26th and Belmont is a huge Dodge Caravan billboard with the legend 'Gets More Done Than Most Husbands.' É Underneath, in equally large letters, someone has written: 'So Kill Him and Collect the Insurance.'É Don't know yet who did it Ñ but five'll get you 10 it wasn't your typical Dagwood Bumstead.

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As usual, Jon Farmer, the intrepid entrepreneur who has already given the world Jail Blazer Jam and Tonya Hot Sauce, is way ahead of me. É He's been standing outside Jiffy Lubes and scarfing up Rasheed Wallace limited-edition lunchboxes Ñ and reselling them as 'Out-to-Lunch Boxes,' complete with a jar of Jail Blazer Jam and a 'T-towel' (the T stands for technical foul, or course). All this and for only $25? É Beez, the new family restaurant on Southeast Woodstock, is a shrine to Betty Boop, the somewhat naughty 1930s cartoon character. Everywhere you look, there are Betty Boop statuettes, plates, calendars. É 'That's nothing,' says owner Robert Hamilton. 'You ought to see our home.' On top of that, he thinks his wife, Julie, working away back there in the kitchen, bears a slight resemblance, close brown curls and all. É Well, boop-boop-a-doop.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .