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At least no one played the piano

Darn, you missed it. Last Wednesday night, Darcelle's staged La Femme Plus, a beauty pageant for overweight cross-dressers. É Festivities began with a talent show that, according to one rapt observer, consisted mainly of lip-synching to show tunes. 'No one played the piano, thank goodness.' É This was followed by the formal dress portion of the program, in which the contestants Ñ some of them approaching 300 pounds Ñ got a chance to display their grace and poise in evening gowns. É The big winner, and we use the phrase advisedly, was Tiffany from Salt Lake City. Congratulations, Tiffany. É Downtown's worst eyesore, the old police annex on the northeast corner of Third and Oak Ñ you know, the one that looks like a concrete bunker from World War II Ñ soon may be gone. É The Portland Development Commission, which recently bought the moldering hulk, would like to put up a 21-story, Vancouver-style high-rise on the lot. É Anything would be an improvement. It's been sitting there vacant since 1984.

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Think our civic leaders haven't been working hard to find a solution to the current financial crisis? É Last week at a meeting of the Citizens Crime Commission, Chairman James Jeddeloh got a good laugh when he introduced the speaker of the morning, Mayor Vera Katz, with the line: 'I see more of her these days than my wife.' É No word from Mrs. Jeddeloh on how she's been whiling away the hours. É 'You know you're in Oregon,' writes Oregon Nude for Peace spokeswoman Theresa Reed, 'when you have to reschedule your outdoor peace protest because it rains so hard, your field turns into a mud pit.' É Or to put it another way, the nude-in has been put off until this coming Sunday Ñ when, if they're lucky, the boom from which they intend to take pictures of the event won't get stuck in the mud.

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'The Hunted,' P-Town's latest unsuccessful attempt to break into showbiz, may be a bomb of a movie, but give it its due. It's created a whole new line of jokes. É The Trib's own Pat Holmes got in a good one: 'To the rest of the country, 'The Hunted' may be just the latest Tommy Lee Jones-chases-a-fugitive movie. But around here it's a lot more than that. It's why we couldn't use the Hawthorne Bridge for several weekends straight.' É And as very funny guy Wm. Steven Humphrey notes in the Mercury, at least there's Jeff Gianola. É 'In his feature film debut, the KOIN (6) reporter brings a complete and utter believability to his role as a KOIN (6) reporter. É If you only see one film this year starring Jeff Gianola, make it this one!'

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Want to hear the GSA's latest attempt to put a good face on its dastardly plan to knock a hole in the side of the Pioneer Courthouse Post Office and turn the historic building into a private club for a few federal judges? In a letter to Rep. Earl Blumenauer, D-Ore., the agency says it really wants to 'save it.' É Oh, please. É Actually, when you get past all the rhetoric, what it comes down to is this: Will three federal appeals court judges, who no one would've ever heard of if they hadn't gotten too greedy for their own good, be allowed to put their own inflated egos ahead of 125 years of this city's history? É Sen. Smith, we await your decision.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .