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Life goes on in Puddle Town

Phil Stanford/On His Own

It was, as the K-Man observed, a little like waiting for the big silver ball at Times Square to get to the bottom. But when it did Wednesday, no one in Wimpy's yelled 'Happy New Year!' É 'Let's just hope it's over soon,' said P-town's wisest barkeep, pushing yet another pint across his work space. É Until further notice, anyway, life goes on in P-town. É It certainly does at the Oregon State Bar, which just sent out an e-mail inviting members to a seminar titled 'Ethics in 18 Holes,' to be conducted at the Resort at the Mountain golf course in Welches. É '10 am. Ñ Check-in and bag drop begins; 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Ñ Golf and ethics presentation. At each hole, your four-person team will discuss a scenario and answers.'

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At last week's reception for the famous tenor Luciano Pavarotti, Portland Opera director Robert Bailey introduced Commissioner Jim Francesconi as 'Portland's next mayor.' É Francesconi, who has made no secret of his desire for higher office, modestly laughed it off Ñ then, speaking in Italian, proclaimed Pavarotti an honorary citizen of P-town. É Once these formalities were out of the way, sources report, the rotund tenor sat down to a hearty meal of rice, boiled potatoes and vanilla ice cream. É One thing everyone remembers about Paul Stojanovich, the 'Cops' producer who fell to his death last weekend at the coast, is how very kind he was. É C.W. Jensen, the former Portland Police Bureau spokesman who now reports for KGW (8), recalls the time he was standing around in his empty house, shortly after his last divorce, complaining to Stojanovich that he didn't have anything left to cook with Ñ 'not even a can opener.' É A couple of hours later, there was a knock on the door. The big-time TV producer was standing there with an electric can opener in his hand. É 'When I looked at it the other day, I started crying,' says C.W.

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No one could have been terribly surprised to learn that KXL's Lars Larson was all for Congress changing the name of 'French fries' to 'freedom fries.' According to one avid listener, he's also entertained the possibility of a new law making it 'freedom kissing' as well. É But you know we're in trouble when country radio stations can't agree on something as basic as the Dixie Chicks. É Apparently, during the course of a concert in England, lead singer Natalie Maines said something about how they were embarrassed that George W. Bush was a fellow Texan. É Several stations around the country, including Portland's KUPL, expressed their dismay at these unpatriotic sentiments by yanking the Dixie Chicks from their rotation. Crosstown rival KWJJ, however, is hanging tough on this vital matter. 'We happen to think that the United States also stands for the freedom to express yourself,' says KWJJ program manager Ken Boesen.

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Reminds me of the time back in 1980 when Jake's owner, Bill McCormick, demonstrated his displeasure with the Soviet Union's invasion of Afghanistan by pouring bottle after bottle of expensive Russian vodka down the sewer in front of his restaurant. É Only thing Bill forgot to tell the assembled media, according to a since-retired Jake's manager, was that he'd already poured out the vodka and replaced it with water. I mean, what kind of a fool do you think he is?

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..