Spokeswoman Theresa Reed, aka Darklady, reports that last weekend's Oregon Nude for Peace demonstration was 'completely successful' Ñ although in light of what I've been watching on TV, I'm not exactly sure what she means by that. É More than 120 'sex-positive' demonstrators met on private property 30 miles west of Portland to form the Chinese symbol for peace with their clothed Ñ and then unclothed Ñ bodies. And if you don't believe it, check out É Comedian Dwight Slade, just back from a nightclub gig in Vancouver, B.C., says the Canadians he encountered are neither for or against us on Iraq. But they do seem perplexed by it all. Does this mean we should now call it 'freedom bacon'? É Dwight, who, by the way, will be appearing at Dante's Caffe Italiano next Tuesday Ñ April Fools' Day Ñ in something billed as 'Comics Against Bombing,' has his own solution to the current mess: 'Can't we just vote Saddam off the island?'

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Even with a war going on, the Rose Festival Association is pushing forward with plans to make this year's celebration better than ever. É 'We've been doing it for 96 years now,' says associate director Marilyn Clint Ñ 'through World War I, World War II, Korea and Vietnam. We need to celebrate what's good about our community.' Indeed, we do. É By the way, sources say that 'The Simpsons' creator Matt Groening is on the association's 'short list' of candidates for grand marshal of the Rose Parade. É Also on the list are the courageous door-to-door salesman Bill Porter, the University of Portland women's soccer team and the McMenamin brothers. É All worthy candidates, I'm sure Ñ though none compare with the internationally acclaimed Matt Groening. But here's the question: If they offer it to him, will he accept?

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I forgot to mention: Chuck ('Fight Club') Palahniuk's soon-to-be-published guide to P-town's underground is titled 'Fugitives and Refugees.' É Palahniuk says he got the phrase from local author Katherine Dunn, who has a theory that most people who end up here 'aren't only what they seem on the surface. They have alternative lives and identities.' É Present company excepted, of course. É The City Council seems ready to set up a committee to study the question of redistricting. Shouldn't they call it the Ball Committee, after Robert Ball, whose Good Government Initiative last fall put the question on the city's agenda in the first place? É Think your car won't get stolen because there's a war going on? Officer Brent Bates of the Police Bureau's auto theft task force says the biggest single cause of car theft in P-town was the owner leaving the keys in the car.

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Yes, it seems impossible, but bad boy Frank Peters, chief cook and bottle washer at the Grand Cafe, celebrated his 60th birthday Tuesday. Said Frank, 'I'm just happy to turn 60 with no outstanding warrants.' É Now, that's progress. É Our high desert correspondent Sheldon Baker, son of the late great Oregon Journal columnist Doug Baker, recalls the time Frank got 86ed from the Veritable Quandary for trying to strangle the manager in the course of a minor disagreement. É The elder Baker used to call Frank 'Old Libel Proof,' in recognition of the fact that whatever you wrote about him, Frank loved seeing his name in print. At least some things never change.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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