Sounds like a fair trade to me


By all means, says Paul Nickell, let's bring the Montreal Expos to Portland. 'But we have to be willing to deal. É Portland gets the team. We send Vera to Montreal.' É I dunno, Paul. They might not go for it. É The city is moving ahead with plans to turn the duck pond in Westmoreland Park back into the stream it once was. Why? Because the pond causes the water to heat up so much that the salmon can't breed. É 'Obviously,' says Boats Johnson, always the deep political thinker, 'the fish just have a better lobby than ducks these days.' É Boats professes to be a duck man, himself. É P-town's favorite orange-haired cartoonist is chortling over making the cover of the London Sunday Independent, which he swears is England's third-largest newspaper. 'Warning,' says the headline 'This magazine contains shocking John Callahan cartoons. You'll love them.' As indeed they will.

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Now let me get this straight: I'm supposed to take a 1.25 percent pay cut which, of course, is what the new county tax amounts to so the Multnomah County Commission can give county execs a raise? É Unreal, you say? But that's exactly what they're considering a 0.5 percent raise for 602 nonunion executives. É Well, it could have been worse, says the nice lady in charge of human resources. Union employees a total of 3,211 will be getting cost-of-living-increases of 2.5 percent or more. É If I didn't know better, I'd think we were being played for some kind of suckers.

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All sorts of people who probably don't want their names in the paper will be interested to know that Jose 'Pepe' Chavez, once considered the kingpin of the largest cocaine distribution ring ever busted in P-town, has turned up in Tijuana, Mexico. É Ken Bauman, the assistant U.S. attorney who prosecuted him, says that after his release from federal prison and deportation in 1992, Pepe took up residence in the Mexican border town, making his living reportedly in the long-distance phone business. É Three months ago, Pepe and his lawyer were kidnapped. Their bodies were found together last week on the outskirts of town, bound, gagged and apparently strangled. É Even this story has a moral, says Bauman: 'Be very careful when choosing your long-distance carrier.'

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Good news for Lars Larson fans and possibly just the opposite for some others: He doesn't plan to retire. Ever. 'I plan to keep doing this until they kick me off the air,' the KXL talk show host says in the latest Portland Magazine. É And finally, a belated beep of the horn to Lloyd Olson, who died last month at the age of 78 after a 47-year career as a driver for Radio Cab. Back in the good old days, when the easiest way to get a bottle of booze was to call a cab, Lloyd was, of course, in the bootlegging business. Most cabbies were. É But when it came to outsmarting the law, Lloyd had a special advantage because his brother Floyd, who also drove for Radio, happened to be his identical twin. É In court, their lawyer would ask the witness, 'Now, are you sure the person you're talking about is the one seated over there?' After the witness said yes, here'd come Floyd walking down the aisle. Worked every time, they say.

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..