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If you thought the language in 'Jarhead,' Tony Swofford's best-selling tale of life in the Marine Corps, was a mite pungent, you shoulda been at Pumpkin Ridge two weeks ago for the U.S. Women's Open. É When one of the contestants shanked a drive into the woods, a tourney official quickly found the ball and marked it with a little flag. É 'What the (eff-word) are you doing?' said the golfer as she walked up. É 'I'm a marshal,' explained the guy, 'and I'm supposed to find balls when they go into the woods. That's your ball. É Replied the golfer: 'I know where my (effing) ball is.' É Not to mention any names, of course, but the marshal involved says it's the same woman who, that same weekend, was accused of berating the 13-year-old golfer for stepping in her path.

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It's a pretty good bet that Lars Larson will go national, and sooner rather than later. É The top-rated local talk-show host is in a runoff with famous columnist Arianna Huffington and former U.S. Sen. Alfonse D'Amato for a daily three-hour show on Westwood One's syndication lineup. And if he doesn't get that one, it's surely just a matter of time. É But not to worry, says Lars: If he gets it, he won't abandon his four-hour show on KXL. É Personally, I doubt that anyone Ñ with the exception of Lars, of course ÐÐ can talk and make sense for seven hours at a stretch. É Surprising amount of buzz over a CD release party this Friday at the Aladdin for a local pop singer by the name of McKinley. McKinley who? É Guitarist and arranger Tracy Kim says that, actually, no one in the band knows her full name. É Too polite to ask, I assume.

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Here's a blast from the past that's sure to excite P-town lawyers Ñ not to mention all fans of the current PGE scandal. É Back in the good old '70s, Pacific Power head Glenn Jackson paid local attorney Ray Kell 1,000 billable hours a year Ñ worth about $250,000 in today's economy Ñ not to create public power districts. É This bit of history comes courtesy of local attorney Dean Alterman, son of Ray's old law partner Cliff. É Our Woman About Town, Maggi White, has apparently discovered a place in the Raleigh West Shopping Center called the Halos Salt Crystal Caverns, where, for just $25, you can sit in a room lined with Russian sea salt for 45 minutes. Said to be an ancient therapy for asthma or allergies. É For more words of wisdom, check out Maggi's column on livingafter50.com.

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Tax grouch Don McIntire can't stop chortling: Saturday afternoon he answered the phone, and it was his son-in-law Harry Poitra, who'd left a party at Don's house about half an hour earlier. 'Hey, Don,' he said, 'guess what? I just got pulled over by a motorcycle cop.' É 'Oh, no,' said McIntire, 'did he give you a ticket?' 'No, he wanted to know where I got my 'I'm Allergic to Katz' bumper sticker.' É Dave Hedges, past president of the Oregon State Poetry Association, says that contrary to certain published reports, the actual purpose of his hush-hush expedition to a remote Oregon cave this summer has nothing at all to do with Sasquatch. Instead, they'll be looking for evidence that, in ancient times, the Earth was visited by astronauts from another planet. Now, how could I have missed that one?

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..