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Counting down for Hillary Clinton

They're on high alert status over at Borders Books on Southwest Third, waiting for the arrival of Hillary Rodham Clinton for a book signing next Tuesday. Manager Dan Eichler reports that the Secret Service has already been by to make sure the place is secure. É And when the great day arrives, Hillary's staff will be on hand to accept books from customers and hand them back once she's signed them. É The signing starts at 5:30 p.m., but if you want to get in, better be there at 9 that morning to get your ticket. The media will be admitted to a roped-off area, but no interviews will be permitted. É What a shame. I kinda wanted to ask the former first lady for her advice on livestock futures.

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Did you know that golf pro Peter Jacobsen, who just won the Greater Hartford Open, was a classmate of both 'Simpsons' creator Matt Groening and Trib Editor Roger Anthony? All graduated from Lincoln High, class of 1972. Now that's what I call a successful threesome. É 'Yup,' says Roger. 'Among the three of us, we knocked down about $30 million last year.' É 'Hey, it's great to be back in Portland,' says comic Robert Duchene, who's headlining at Harvey's this week. 'What a liberal town. You can sleep with anyone you want. Kill yourself with a doctor's assistance. But you still can't pump your own gas. Huh?'É Surely you've seen the street person at Pioneer Courthouse Square with the cute homemade cardboard sign that says 'blah blah change. thanks'? Last week, a faithful reader says he saw the guy stop at the ATM across the street, pull out his MasterCard, and withdraw a sizable wad of cash. É Well, maybe he was just having a slow day.

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What? You haven't heard the story of legendary safecracker Billy Lewis? É He's the one who knocked off the safe at the zoo back in 1970. Might have gotten away with it, too, except that on his way home from the job that night, he threw a bag full of burglar tools and other incriminating items over the side of the St. Johns Bridge Ñ where it landed on the deck of a tugboat below. É Talk about rotten luck. É If two-term Rep. David Wu was trying to commit political suicide when he sabotaged the deal to save the Pioneer Courthouse, he may have succeeded beyond his wildest expectations. É That's OK, though. When he's gone, the feds can always name the underground parking garage for him. Nothing like leaving a legacy, I always say.

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Talk show host Lars Larson was hanging out at the bar in El Gaucho, when who should he see standing in the foyer, waiting to be seated for dinner, but his old pal Mayor Vera Katz. 'Madame Mayor,' he says, walking over and extending his hand. 'Welcome to my favorite steakhouse. Let's call a truce.' 'Not till I get the chance to beat you up,' says Vera. É 'Anytime, ma'am,' says Lars, turning to go. But Vera's not finished. É 'When I retire,' she says, with words that have a familiar ring, 'you're not going to have me to kick around anymore.' É 'You're absolutely right,' says Lars. 'Your departure will be a great loss to my industry.' Stop it, you two. É But come to think of it, wasn't it Vera, who, just a couple of years ago, proclaimed a day of each week as 'Meatless Tuesday'?

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .