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Best of the blotter

Look back at 2011's reports from the Lake Oswego Police Department
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What do UFOs, Saran Wrap and chickens have in common? All were the subject of 9-1-1 police calls in Lake Oswego this year.

Information for the public safety column comes from the public records of the Lake Oswego Police Department.

Authorities filed reports on the following incidents in 2011. This is a look back at some of the more interesting reports:

January

1/16/11 1:15 p.m. A Chihuahua wearing a pink collar was picked up for running in traffic.

1/16/11 8:34 p.m. A drunken female, sitting on a downtown park bench, yelled for a man to come over because 'I want to show you my knife.'

1/19/11 10:32 a.m. A woman believes she is being stalked by members of a stalking organization.

1/19/11 7:45 p.m. After leaving her phone inside a gift shop, a woman requested that a police officer break in and get it for her.

1/26/11 2:46 p.m. A car buyer found he had been defrauded when an oil change at Oil Can Henry's revealed that his car had 116,750 miles on it. This was 80,000 more miles than shown on the odometer when the man first purchased the car.

1/27/11 9:02 p.m. When a couple finally answered a late-night doorbell, they looked outside and found that their car had been Saran Wrapped.

February

2/1/11 5:12 p.m. A woman called to say she was being held against her will in the X-ray department at Providence Milwaukie.

2/1/11 5:40 p.m. A man who allows his spaniel puppy to run off leash yelled at a woman to control her dog. She did not appreciate this blatant hypocrisy.

2/1/11 9:33 p.m. A possible UFO was sighted over 62nd Avenue and Southwest Southwood Drive. The strange flying object had a bright light and crisscrossed lights on its bottom, and it was spotted several times tonight.

2/4/11 12:13 p.m. A teenage son traded the family car for one he saw on Craigslist.

2/8/11 4:48 p.m. A 100-year-old woman, who is hunched over and has a white beard, is being dropped off every Saturday morning at a super market. She is very filthy and smells of urine, and it is doubtful she is being taken care of.

2/10/11 7:23 p.m. Road rage arose on 10th Street and A Avenue when a man driving an Outback yelled at another vehicle to pull over so he could beat him up. But when the driver pulled over, the road rager quickly drove away.

2/11/11 1:27 p.m. A church is praying that a belligerent transient will take his presence to another denomination.

2/17/11 5:13 p.m. A litter bug is putting Kleenex and Kleenex boxes all over a complex on North Shore Road and State Street.

2/22/11 1:04 p.m. A confused-looking man began changing his clothes inside of a fast-food restaurant. However, it turned out to be a mixed martial arts competitor.

March

3/14/11 6:51 p.m. A husband has started video taping his wife when they have arguments.

3/21/11 7:33 p.m. A woman expressed the wish that she was dead. She then changed her mind and went to Albertsons.

3/22/11 7:59 p.m. The continual gathering of young guys (ages 18 to 25) hanging out on the sidewalk on Parrish Street is making some neighbors paranoid.

3/24/11 1:37 p.m. An 11-year-old son threw a bottle of urine on his father, who became quite upset.

3/29/11 7:45 p.m. A red-headed woman whose age was estimated at 40 to 60 and who was wearing a white hat, coat and boots, came walking down another woman's front steps on Village Park Lane and put her newspapers by her door. 'We like to keep our neighborhood tidy,' the redhead said.

April

4/8/11 11:18 a.m. A man with a 'spinning head' was acting suspiciously at a store on Pilkington Road.

4/10/11 8:10 a.m. A disgusting scene on Yorkshire Court included a teddy bear hanging from a tree and sanitary napkins hanging all over a garage door. The suspect is a 16-year-old boy who had been trespassed from the location and told not to call the residence or the daughter who lives there.

4/10/11 12:37 p.m. A woman's special rocks were spray painted yellow by a city crew on Hampton Court.

4/12/11 3:38 p.m. A man wearing no pants disturbed a woman on Parkview Drive.

4/17/11 12:02 p.m. A voice emerged from a speaker phone in a hedge on Palisades Crest Drive and threatened a man that the Russian mob was coming to get him. In the background, a female was heard laughing.

4/19/11 2:50 p.m. Strange voicemails are being sent to a woman by a person claiming their brain injury and prison sentence were her fault.

4/23/11 12:44 p.m. A duck and ducklings were reported wandering on Kingsgate Road, but they were shooed to safety in a yard.

4/27/11 7:43 a.m. Seven rogue chickens are roaming around on Carman Drive and destroying yards. The chickens' owner was warned about their feathered terrorism.

4/27/11 8:23 a.m. A middle school-aged girl was waiting at a bus stop when a man wearing a beanie stopped and asked her if she was a prostitute and what her fee was. He broke off the inquiry when another student arrived at the bus stop.

4/28/11 10:33 a.m. An alert mother performed double duty on a stroll down Kruse Way, pushing a baby in a stroller and throwing rocks at a coyote.

4/29/11 12:45 a.m. A sleeper is concerned about his future after having a dream in which the devil told him he was going to die in his sleep. Upon awakening, the man immediately made a trip to the doctor.

4/29/11 7:13 p.m. Some oddball juveniles on Bangy Road are lying on manhole covers and talking into them.

May

5/2/11 11:16 p.m. A driver thought to be drunk was actually delivering newspapers.

5/4/11 12:57 p.m. A presumptuous neighbor threw away two trees on a porch because she thought they were dead. She thought wrong and may be hearing from the neighbor's lawyer.

5/9/11 11:26 p.m. Two desperately drunk people were walking down the middle of State Street, stopping only to vomit.

5/11/11 4:55 p.m. While leaving a bank, a woman was honked at by a man, who told her he could fix the dent in her car for $300. When he finished the car looked even worse, so she wants to make the police aware of this phony fix-it man.

5/15/11 11:52 a.m. A woman keeps finding notes on her car that say, 'I really like your car, call me if you ever want to sell it.'

5/15/11 10:05 p.m. A coyote confronts a man every day when he takes his dog outside on Wheatherstone Court. The man wants to know what his rights are if the coyote becomes confrontational.

5/17/11 10:02 a.m. A woman became infuriated when she found that her hair had been turned purple at a salon. When she went back to complain, she was kicked out.

5/19/11 8:35 a.m. A woman told an officer she becomes upset every time she walks by her neighbor's house because her dog was attacked by the neighbor's dog several years ago. The officer suggested that she not go by the house.

5/24/11 2:18 a.m. Now that Oswego Lake is again full, parties are taking place. One became worrisome because of the sound of people being thrown into the lake.

June

6/4/11 9:04 p.m. A man thought to be bleeding had actually spilled ravioli all over himself.

6/18/11 12:35 a.m. A very bad and loud musician is playing his bass in an apartment on Jefferson Parkway.

6/20/11 4:05 p.m. Nothing but a hound dog was howling and standing in the road on Ninth Street.

6/20/11 10:23 p.m. A resident of Delenka Lane had his garbage returned to him after he left it in the middle of the street. As a bonus, he received a warning.

6/22/11 1:49 p.m. Twelve goats went AWOL from their pen on the campus of Marylhurst University. However, the horned rascals were rounded up and returned to their corral.

6/22/11 6:23 p.m. A strong chemical smell was coming from inside a convenience store where the employee was acting silly. It turned out that the chemical smell is nothing unusual and that the employee is always silly.

6/22/11 9:21 p.m. A bag tagged 'dead raccoon' was found in an alley on Second Street. Sure enough, a dead raccoon was found inside the bag.

July

7/3/11 5:03 p.m. A swarm of bees got inside the church at Our Lady of the Lake.

7/5/11 10:37 p.m. Four juveniles were getting out of a vehicle on Kilchurn Avenue and slamming their bodies against houses.

7/10/11 7:38 a.m. After exposing himself on Woodland Terrace, a screaming man was taken to Meridian Park Hospital.

7/11/11 11:32 a.m. A father and son got into a shoving match over whether the boy would go to summer camp.

7/12/11 5:02 p.m. A dog suspected of unwarranted urination on Pioneer Court is being threatened with stoning by one of its victims.

7/15/11 9:28 p.m. Wild behavior broke out at a sleepover when some youngsters started screaming and yelling as they bounced up and down on a trampoline.

7/20/11 10:09 a.m. Mysterious eyes peered out at a woman from a bush on Hallinan Circle.

August

8/3/11 9:04 a.m. A customer entered Flying Elephant Deli and became so enraged by a painting on display that she started yelling at employees and customers. Her hostility kept mounting until she threatened to come back and destroy the painting. However, she was trespassed before she could trash the work of art.

8/5/11 3:21 p.m. An indecent exposure occurred at the Griffith Office Building near the Lake Corporation. The exhibitionist was a man of average size.

8/7/11 7:58 p.m. The apparent case of a reckless driver doing cookies in a church parking lot turned out to be a mother teaching her daughter how to drive a car with a clutch.

8/8/11 9:31 p.m. A husband and wife got into a spat over the wife's efforts to disconnect the television. She also wants an annulment of their marriage.

8/9/11 5:07 p.m. Overly aggressive juvenile lemonade sellers are upsetting drivers on Melrose Street and Westlake Drive by sticking their heads into car windows and yelling.

8/11/11 4:54 p.m. A woman calling 9-1-1 for spiritual support is upset because she cannot get through.

8/17/11 3:29 p.m. A sinister raccoon has been entering a woman's house, stalking her cat, opening her refrigerator and drinking milk.

8/23/11 12:27 p.m. A loud and lecherous 70-year-old man has been harassing his neighbor on First Street for a year by peeping into her windows and yelling at her all times of the day.

8/23/11 7:36 p.m. A groper came to Safeway and rubbed himself against an unfortunate woman twice.

8/26/11 12:52 p.m. After responding to a woman's report about smelling meth on Carman Drive, police determined that the smell was actually that of a skunk.

8/30/11 6:06 p.m. A married couple sharing a smoke outside of its home on Foothills Drive were shocked when its upstairs neighbors came down and sprayed them with cleaning fluid.

8/31/11 8:22 p.m. A group of fugitive youth were seen running toward Westlake Park. However, it was later determined they were members of a cross country team.

September

9/1/11 5:52 p.m. A dead squirrel was preventing a woman from getting out of her driveway on Kingsgate Road.

9/7/11 11:32 a.m. A man painted up like a clown aroused suspicion on State Street when he dropped to the ground after he spotted a woman staring at him.

9/8/11 9:28 a.m. While spying on her neighbor through a fence, a woman spotted two marijuana plants. It turned out the neighbor had a medical marijuana card.

9/12/11 3:16 p.m. A man is feeling guilt ridden about firing his pellet gun in 1995 and wants to come clean about it.

9/22/11 8:58 a.m. Strange sounds like flying saucers taking off and landing were heard on Hallinan and Laurel streets.

9/24/11 4:02 p.m. A dog keeps running in and out of Safeway and grabbing food. The pilfering pooch was returned to its home and the owner was warned about allowing his dog to run at large and steal.

9/24/11 6:10 p.m. A rabid squirrel is chasing people at Waluga Junior High.

9/24/11 6:22 p.m. An ex-husband testified that he saw his ex-wife giving marijuana to their son. However, the substance turned out to be catnip.

October

10/1/11 8:50 p.m. Flying bologna struck a car going down Boones Ferry Road. It is suspected the source of the airborne lunchmeat was a wild party on Carman Drive.

10/12/11 12:29 p.m. A female roommate may be having mental issues. She has been preaching to nobody for hours about the devil, and now her roommate is seeking advice on how to get her out of the house.

10/24/11 10:30 p.m. A man with a reputation for violence was heard yelling and screaming inside of his residence. It turned out that he was playing video games.

10/27/11 9:40 p.m. A missing woman was found in a tanning facility in Portland.

November

11/3/11 10:47 a.m. An unconscious woman woke up to find that her head had been shaved by her landlord, with whom she shares the house. The woman claims the landlord is a Wiccan and is trying to destroy her because she is a Christian.

11/4/11 6:08 p.m. A man came home to his residence on West Sunset Drive and found that his bed had been stolen.

11/6/11 10:06 a.m. A woman says her house was robbed by aliens who got away in a space ship.

11/25/11 1:29 p.m. After getting slapped, a neighbor picked up a pickaxe in a dispute over a pathway on Crest Drive.

December

12/3/11 11:20 a.m. A golden retriever on Edenberry Court is being routinely allowed to illegally romp on a protected wetlands area. However, the dog was found to be clean and dry when an officer came by to investigate.

12/4/11 10:45 a.m. A guest is refusing to leave after staying for three weeks at a residence on Lakeview Boulevard. The unwelcome guest is associated with Occupy Portland.

12/6/11 4:56 p.m. A woman grossed out customers at a restaurant by walking in, wiping her nose on a napkin and setting it on a table. When questioned about this questionable action, she flew into an obscenity-filled rage.

12/7/11 11:12 a.m. There was concern when a friend did not show up for an appointment on Dec. 7. However, it turned out he was safe inside the Multnomah County Jail.

12/14/11 12:02 p.m. Two teenage mooners exposed their nether regions to a class of junior high students walking on the trail from the tennis center. The identities of the moon men remain unknown.