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I promise I am not making this up. Someone actually requested that we run those old turkey carols we invented back in a time when we thought we had precious little to be thankful for. Little did we know it would only get worse.

Let's face it, Thanksgiving is bearing down on us like a runaway emergency vehicle full of paramedics, and although we could probably use a few days head start to practice on these, why bother? I have heard some of you sing, and even with the aid of liquid holiday cheer, it's not that pretty.

As we've discussed here before, there just aren't any good Thanksgiving songs. At least there weren't until I made these up.

So, gather around the old family piano - or guitar, or zither or whatever your family gathers around when it's time for boisterous singing - and join me on these musical salutes to the season.

You can probably figure out what melodies to other popular holiday tunes I've stolen for my shameless purposes.


Turkey day, turkey day,

Turkey all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to eat

A turkey all the way - hey!

(Come on, everybody now!)

Turkey day, turkey day

Turkey all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to eat

A turkey on turkey day!


I'm dreaming of a Thanks-giving

Just like the ones I used to know.

Where the turkeys glisten

And children listen

To hear someone at the do'.

I'm dreaming of a Thanks-giving

With every mouthful that I bite.

May your days be merry and bright.

And may all your Thanksgivings-es be all right.


Tur-KEY roasting on an open fire,

Gravy cooking on the stove.

Thanksgiving carols being sung by a fire,

Our eyes as big as Oreos.

Everybody knows some turkey and some cranberries

Help to make the season bright.

Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow

Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know Thanks-GIHHHHVVV-ing's on its way,

And that means lots of white and dark meat on a tray.

And every mother's child is gonna try

To see if they can eat everything on the table and not die.

And so I'm offering this simple phrase

For kids from 1 to 92.

Although it's been said, many times, many ways,

Merry Turkeyday




Rudolph the red-beaked turkey

Had a very shiny beak

And if you ever saw it

You would say, 'He's quite a freak.'

All of the other turkeys

Used to laugh and call him names.

They never let poor Rudolph

Play in any poultry games.

Then one foggy Thanksgiving,

Someone came to say,

'Rudolph, with your beak so bright,

Won't you be my dinner tonight?'

Then all the turkeys loved him,

As they shouted out with glee.

'Rudolph, the red-beaked turkey

I'm glad they ate you, not me.'


Deck the house with bowls of dressing,

Falalalala, la-la la la.

Give the candied yams your blessing,

Falalalala, la-la la la.

Don we now our coats and jackets,

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la.

Let's go out and raise a racket.

Falalalala, la-la la la.


Frosty the gobbler was a very chubby guy.

With a big fat chest and a big fat back,

And a pair of big fat thighs.

Frosty the gobbler, he was nice in every way.

But his trouble was

He wasn't one of us,

So we ate him Turkey Day.

I wish I could say in all honesty

That I'm sorry he is gone

But if it wasn't him it'd be somebody else,

And that would just be wrong.

Frosty the gobbler made a very tasty meal.

With his big fat chest and his big fat thighs,

So sue me, that's how I feel.


O, juicy turkey,

The dressing smells delicious.

It is the day that the turkey gets eaten.

Long lay the family in sin and hunger pining.

Till the turkey came, and we can't wait to eat it.

The thrill of pickles, the olives and the cranberries.

For yonder cooks the large and glorious bird.

Fall on your knees!

O hear the gravy boiling!

O, tur-ur-ur-key!

Ohhhh, turkey,that Mom has cooked.

O, juicy tur-ur-ur-keeeeeeee!

O, joooooooo-seeeeeeeee-tur


Former editor of the Lake Oswego Review and former managing editor of the Beaverton Valley Times and The Times, serving Tigard, Tualatin and Sherwood, Mikel Kelly handles special sections for Community Newspapers.

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