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The inner voice speaketh

This year is going to be different - really
by: ,

This year is going to be different.

No, really, it is.

You paid for that membership at the gym. Now use it. Staying late for work is no excuse.

Knock off the junk food, too. You know better than that. How did those Lays barbecued potato chips weasel their way back into your life, anyway? Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream is not an option for you, Mr. Cholesterol 207. Neither is the DiGiorno's rising crust pizza. Quarter-pounders with cheese are definitely out. What? Are you auditioning for a part in Super Size Me, The Sequel? How did a couple of handfuls of pretzels turn into a whole box of Cheese Nips, again? A whole container of cashews - gimme a break! And bacon. C'mon. Whaddya think that ticker's made of, titanium?

How about let's drink more water … a lot more water, and lay off the coffee. Enough already! Any objections to getting rid of the saltshaker - everybody knows there's plenty of salt in food without putting more on!

Have you decided to quit getting physicals altogether? It's been three years, you know. What are you, crazy? By the way, you need to make an appointment for a colonoscopy like the doctor said. You're not getting any younger, you know, you're 50, and it's time. You'll be 51 in March, if you're lucky.

Call your mother.

Call your dad.

They aren't getting any younger, either. Someday you'll wish you had. If you don't, you'll be sorry. Is that what you want? You want to be sorry? Huh? Huh?

When's the last time you did something nice for your wife? No, putting your dirty underwear in the hamper doesn't count. Something really nice, like tickets to the theater, or roses or an honest-to-goodness night on the town. 1962? What are you waiting for, Mr. Wonderful? If you keep putting it off, someday you'll be sorry. Is that what you want? Huh?

I hate to inconvenience you in the slightest, but it's been a good long while since you've spoken to your brother, too. What's up with that? He is your brother.

So I hear you telling people you live in Outdoor Sports and Recreation Nirvana - ancient forests, volcanoes, the mighty Columbia, the Pacific Ocean. Oh, really. When is the last time you went whitewater rafting. Oh, yes, 1975. And bike riding? Let's see, you sold that bike four years ago. And hiking? Mmmm. Camping? A concert? A picnic? Shall I continue?

Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed. Make a cup of coffee. Drive to work. Work. Go home. Have dinner. Watch TV. Go to bed.

Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed. Make a cup of coffee. Drive to work. Work. Go home. Have dinner. Watch TV. Go to bed.

How do you spell rut? R-U-T.

Repeat after me.

Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed. Make a cup of coffee. Drive to work. Work. Go home. Have dinner. Watch TV. Go to bed.

You starting to see a pattern, here?

This year is going to be different.

No, really, it is.

Rick Swart is publisher of the South County Spotlight. He can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.