Foxworth e-mails rated Y - for yawn
The good news is that the city's investigation into former Police Chief Derrick Foxworth's liaison with a female desk clerk is now available, with more torrid e-mails, for the reading public.
The bad news is that it's actually kind of boring.
As it turns out, there are only so many different body parts that can be invoked in communications of this sort - and Foxworth, bless his heart, used up most of them in the first go-round.
Three months ago, when the woman's lawyer, Vic Calzaretta, quoted a selection of Derrick's hot-and-heavy e-mails as part of a tort claim notice, it actually appeared that the chief had a future in the porno business.
Judging by the latest selection, though, he's probably better off sticking to police work.
Not that Foxworth doesn't give it a good try. But somehow the flame just doesn't burn as brightly as before.
Maybe it's because Calzaretta, clever lawyer that he is, released all the best stuff in his complaint.
• • •
Then again, maybe it has something to do with what appears to be Foxworth's newfound interest in high fashion.
'Hello My Sweet A,' begins one of the newly released e-mails, sent at about 10 on a Tuesday night in January 2001.
'I love the idea of picking you up with you wearing nothing (but) heels, stockings and a cream lace teddy.
'I can think of nothing better than driving to a secluded park, and having you reach over and … .' Please feel free to fill in the rest yourself.
And then again: 'Good Morning My Crazy Blonde!,' sent by Foxworth at about 10:20 a.m. on a Monday in July 2001 - in an obvious response to an e-mail from the Crazy Blonde, Angela Oswalt, herself.
'Hmmmm I love white lace, black lace, red lace … whatever - you get the point … I love sexy lingerie and clothing. With every e-mail you write it makes me hotter for you and drives me crazy with anticipation.'
Followed, once again by a reiteration of all those by now thoroughly familiar body parts.
Now, I don't know about you, but for me, it really isn't working this time.
• • •
In fact, it may not have been working for Foxworth and Oswalt, either, by then.
According to Foxworth, who has since been punished for his foolishness by being demoted from chief to captain, then promoted to commander, the whole star-crossed relationship fell apart not long afterward - or about five years ago.
Which should make us wonder, if nothing else, why it took so long for the aggrieved party - clearly, a willing participant in this affair - to make an issue of it.
According to one theory, it was nothing more nor less than a ploy to keep her old job. She returned to work this week as a desk clerk at the North Precinct.
And while we're at it, with all those embarrassing e-mails floating around, how come the only ones we've seen were those sent by Foxworth?
Almost certainly, it's not because Foxworth didn't want investigators to see the other side of these e-mail exchanges.
He didn't save them on his computer. But you can bet your booty that Sweet A did.
In fact, all the e-mails released so far have come from her and her attorney, Calzaretta.
So here's the question: If this wasn't a smear from start to finish, why haven't they released Oswalt's e-mails, too?