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Advice for the late-night spammer


Try crack-of-dawn achieving instead

Sometimes while doing homework, a “friend” will spam me with Facebook messages, a thoughtful avalanche of “amy,” “amy,” “amy,” “amu,” “am,” “amh.” Each is separated by the Enter-key-induced “ding” that is good for notifying people about new messages when used sparingly and causing headaches in message recipients who happen to be trying to do homework. Amy Chen

The conversation after this follows the trend of me typing “STOP SPAMMING ME,” him or her typing “sorry” and then him or her ranting about all the work they have to do or how that test was “soooo harddddd” or, especially, how little sleep they’re going to get. This behavior has become commonplace as high school has progressed. Though I am convinced it releases its spores sometime during early junior year, during which it roots itself and takes control of the student’s brain like the parasitic Cordyceps fungus, coming fully into effect just before both prom and AP testing because “I have so much stuff to do omggggggg.”

Students, I have a piece of advice for you: Stop complaining. Start doing. If you have so much work that you actively complain about it, chances are, you will end up socializing mostly through Facebook. There is also a high chance that, because you don’t want to seem like a braggart to someone with less work by listing off what will end up on your resume, you will end up complaining to another person with even more work. These people will not like you and will respond with their own list of work they have to get done as a curt explanation of why you are being a diva and should just get things done and wade in your sense of self-accomplishment and passive-aggressively “complain” about how much work you had do to in your resume afterwards.

This brings me to the most valuable piece of guidance I can give students: get your work in on time, sign up for everything—and by everything I mean every club, sport, DEBATE (OH PLEASE JOIN DEBATE I WILL LOVE YOU), contest and class. Also, struggle to pull in your desired grades in your classes, nap in school hallways, get your work in on time and sleep an average of three to five hours per night.

Sure, you’ll have purple eye-bags going down to your chin and have the memory of a dead man, but that’s precisely the point. You won’t remember the pain and suffering of tragedies like getting a lower-than-expected grade or ... quite fittingly, I can’t think of any other examples. That’s beside the point. The point is, you will remember what you were and are capable of. In my optimistic opinion, more people should stretch their limits because, chances are, they won’t find themselves as limited as they first believed.

If you’re worried about failing, don’t be. For the most part, high school responsibilities are very forgiving, leaving you plenty of room to figure out just how much you can handle. Even if you never drop a class or step down from a position, high school provides a reassuring back-up plan. It’s not like the vice-president of (insert club name here) would not willingly fill in your place as president.

So, sign up for everything that interests you. Try to move mountains, inspire the masses and raise the bar. This is the best time to take good risks —- when you don’t have to worry about too-serious consequences holding back your ambitions.

I know you and your parents and your teachers and the entirety of society will worry about the lost sleep and the consequential health problems, but look at it this way: You weren’t getting enough sleep anyway sending people spam over Facebook.

Amy Chen is a senior at Lake Oswego High School, and she writes a monthly column for the Review. She can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..