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'No question which of us is the Tory here'


Say goodbye to that false sense of equanimity, it’s time once again for “Liberal Facts vs. Conservative Fallacies” here on the citizen’s view. (Seriously? Again?)

Last week Noel Wolfe introduced us to perplexing sentences and today’s topic: “Gun control — the hysterics of the Progressive political talking points.” Here is, in summary, Noel’s letter addressing the matter of gun control: “Burl Ross ... writes in his typical cryptic style ... denigrating citizen (Mike) Hall for expressing his opinion ... never offers facts ... only wishes to fact-check other’s opinions with his ‘pesky progressive’ slant. In bygone years, Burl would have been known as a Tory.”

Firstly, kudos to Noel for acknowledging that gun control is all about me. Secondly, yes, I admit to a “cryptic” writing style, though I prefer “Faulknerian.” Thirdly, I appreciate the fact that Noel doesn’t believe in denigrating others for expressing their opinions, especially others like me who, in Noel’s denigrating opinion, never offer facts. Fourthly, Tory? Noel, you do know that the Tories were the conservatives, right? They fought the liberal Whig patriots and used old-timey phrases like “in bygone years.” There’s no question which of us is the Tory here.

But enough name-calling, Benedict, let’s get to our real purpose — fact-checking Noel’s opinions with a pesky progressive slant.

1) “Current gun control mania (is) a Democrat Party platform agenda item.” False — There is no “Democrat Party” in America. There’s one in Thailand, however.

2) “The Obama presidency (is) the far left in American politics today.” False — I’m the far left in American politics today. Obama is only just now glancing across the center in my direction.

3) “The Congressional Progressive Caucus (is) an admittedly socialist faction ...” Oh for God’s sake — False. Stop parroting idiocies from Allen West.

Sorry, I can slog no further through Noel’s first paragraph. Let’s skip ahead to where he goes completely off the rails: “Wouldn’t it be interesting to discover that the criminally insane that committed recent heinous acts of violence were liberals, nay Democrats, or even worked as staff members for (Obama’s) re-election campaign? Please, say it isn’t so.”

Um, OK, Noel — it isn’t so. Gabby Gifford was not the criminally insane shooter of herself. Newtown alleged killer Adam Lanza was not an Obama campaign staffer. Any other “interesting” delusions we can disabuse you of? Nay?

Interestingly, Noel’s question was answered in the editor’s note following the letter preceding his, explaining that the League of Women Voters of Clackamas County opted not to sign their gun-safety letter as individual board members “because of concerns ... about writers of gun-safety pieces sometimes encountering issues as a result.” Are these feared “issues” coming from liberals? Hint: Nay.

So, should I post this letter anonymously? Maybe so, especially considering this sole reason Noel offers for his passionate defense of unregulated gun rights: All “in-country Vietnam combat veterans” like himself, he says, belong to a Constitutional “well-regulated militia,” whether they “wish to accept this most noble moniker or not,” and “should the need arise” are prepared to nobly overthrow the government of these United States. “Just as assuredly as that loosely associated group of rural farmers stood on a green in Colonial America and defied ... the most powerful military of its day,” Noel vows, “so too will we.”

No mention of guns for skeet shooting.

Again, who’s the Tory?

Burl Ross is a resident of Lake Oswego.