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Just Another Point of View: It's not really easy being an expert on everything!

KELLYThe other person who lives at our house and I were watching TV the other day when she observed, “Isn’t it interesting how good we are at seeing everybody’s faults?”

I had to agree, because it’s true — we’re pretty much experts on everything. Not only do we see the problems with everyone on television (you know — bad hair, poor clothing choices, ugly neck, big ears, too much talking and not enough listening, etc.), but we also see the positive things (people who are good-looking, smart, likable, humble, you name it).

We are also experts on the topic of parenting, in spite of the fact that we never had children ourselves. And, like the rest of you, I am an expert in most sports, even though I never played any of them past high school.

The only athletic exception is soccer (or what the rest of the world calls football) because I refuse to care about a game that can go on for hours and remain scoreless. But football (the real one), basketball, track and field, even baseball — I know all of these well enough to qualify me to yell at the screen as loudly as anyone, whether in a sports bar or in the privacy of my own home.

We’re experts in dog training, too. And no, we don’t have a dog. Never have, actually (at least since childhood, which was a very long time ago). But we watch a lot of those shows on television, inluding “The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan,” “Lucky Dog,” “Dr. Chris, Pet Vet,” “Dog Town USA” and more.

It’s true that Cesar is something of a miracle worker, but at our dogless house, we fully understand and believe his overriding message that calm, assertive energy and making yourself the pack leader can solve most bad dog behaviors.

The Other (if I might be allowed to shorten her moniker) is also an expert on all things medical, since she used to work in what an investment acquaintance of ours once called “the healing arts” — but she also pays a lot more attention to health and body issues than I do, so I always defer to her on such matters.

Of course, due to my lower-than-average IQ and a mediocre education (which I thoroughly squandered on the study of journalism) there are a handful of subjects I am not REALLY an expert in — and I should point out that my memory is no better than Dory, that little blue fish — but thanks to fingertip access to Wikipedia, Google, etc., I am able to sound at least moderately knowledgeable on most topics.

Sometimes I remind The Other that “I am an excellent driver,” borrowing a line from “Rain Man,” usually right after I’ve been chastised for driving too fast or too slow — and I’ve had both critiques in the same block or two. “You DO like it when I point out that you’re doing something wrong, don’t you?”

“Of course,” I always reply.

Because marriage and interpersonal relationships is another one of those things I am an expert in.

I’ve also mastered the art of not coming off as too expert. After all, I completely understand that nobody likes a know-it-all.

Mikel Kelly, retired for many months now from the newspaper business, has way too much time on his hands to think about all the things he is “expert” in. Which is probably why he keeps sending us these columns.