Headin' Outdoors with Scott Staats

The other day while surfing the Internet, I came across some interesting animal facts. I don’t know who is out collecting this information but I would seriously suggest they get a life. I would get a life too but found it too easy to offer my comments to each of these factoids.

• Dolphins sleep with one eye open. Keeping alert for the Raiders’ linemen perhaps?

• Bulls are color blind. So much for waving the red cape.

• A cow’s only sweat glands are in its nose. Who’s the idiot who did a thesis on this?

• Mosquitoes have 47 teeth. All those teeth and they bite us with a proboscis?

• The Poison Arrow frog has enough poison to kill 2,200 people. Do not lick this frog!

• Emus can’t walk backwards. But then again, why would they want to?

• A group of unicorns is called a blessing. If they had a pair of dark glasses and a moustache, would they be called a blessing in disguise?

• A group of kangaroos is called a mob. Is a group of mobsters called a “roo?”

• A group of owls is called a parliament. So is a group of idiots.

• A group of ravens is called a murder. Is a group of murderers called a raven?

• A group of bears is called a sleuth. A group of bears is called trouble.

• A group of twelve or more cows is called a flink. That’s not what I HERD.

• A baby oyster is called a spat. This is what I’ve done after eating raw oysters.

• Chickens can’t swallow while they are upside down. Who’s the idiot who put them upside down anyway?

• The average garden-variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head. That’s more than the average NFL player.

• A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds. I have a memory of — wait a minute, what was I saying?

• A mule won’t sink in quicksand but a donkey will. Maybe this contributes to the phrase “dumb ass”?

• Animal breeders in Russia once claimed to have bred sheep with blue wool. Wouldn’t it be easier to dye the wool once it’s removed?

• Penguins are the only bird that can leap into the air like porpoises. Can’t every bird leap into the air?

• India has 50 million monkeys. So does Washington, D.C.

• By some unknown means, an iguana can end its own life. Iguanacide?

• Americans spend around $3 billion for cat and dog food a year. And they even give some to their pets.

• Pigs can cover a mile in 7.5 minutes when running at top speed. Who’s chasing a pig around a track?

• The shell constitutes 12 percent of an egg's weight. Let’s spend our research dollars on something a little more interesting and helpful.

• A squid has 10 tentacles. And I have two arms, what’s your point?

• When a horned toad is angry, it squirts blood from its eyes. If he’s really PO’d, can he bleed to death?

• The typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year. How many does the atypical hen lay?

• The only dog that doesn't have a pink tongue is the chow. So what color is it?

• Dogs and humans are the only animals with prostates. The next time you hear someone say that their cat has prostate cancer you can call them a liar.

• Zebras can't see the color orange. Yeah, yeah, I know, they only see things in black and white.

• A rat can go without water longer than a camel can. Does PETA know about these experiments?

• It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. Get that dirty cow out of the house right now. I wonder how many cows are stuck up in the attic.

• There are more insects in 10 square feet of a rain forest than there are people in Manhattan. Yeah, but there are more people in 10 square feet of Manhattan than all of Oregon.

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