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Mark & Dave: Up in the Air


Facebook says government agencies around the world demanded information on 38,000 users. Hopefully they’ll find the person who started that stupid “share this link if you really are my friend” post!

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Google’s computerized self-driving cars could first join us on the road in the form of — wait for it — taxis! Google says self-driving cars are safer than those driven by humans. And the "no-cabbie component" could work. They might be on to something — no more kicking lesbians out on the freeway. Blind women with service dogs will be safe from being deserted. Only one hurdle remains: who is going to clean up the vomit?

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Samsung plans to announce its new “Smartwatch” next month. Rumor is Apple and Microsoft plan their own versions. Great, now people will be talking into their wrist when they get a call. And, if it’s on your wrist, is it considered “hands-free?” Maybe it will be better to wait for the iChip that can be directly planted into your forehead.

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Sierra Nevada residents near California’s Rim Fire are reporting the water there tastes like smoke. That’s been the story in The Dalles for more than a week already thanks to the Government Complex Fires. While July and August are typically the worst months for forest fires in Oregon, September isn’t far behind in third place — meaning we are not out of danger. So when you see those caravans of firefighters rolling down on our Northwest highways, take a moment to give them a heartfelt "thank you" wave.

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U.S. Army Pvt. Bradley Manning, sentenced to 35 years in prison for leaking classified documents, now wants to live life as a woman and be addressed as Chelsea Manning. Silly Manning, you don’t get to decide if you’re a man or woman in prison — that’s up the other inmates. This whole thing is confusing, but we can’t wait to see who Hollywood casts to play Manning in the movie.

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Beaverton is considering food carts. We must be the only two people who are not excited at this culinary craze. Foods carts are for people who can’t afford to vacation in an underdeveloped country.

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A group of Portlanders are hoping to get a measure on the ballot that, if passed, would wrest control of the water bureau from the city. While we’re at it, let’s see if we can’t find an outside agency to take control of the city.

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Jeff Cogen says he has not decided if he will run for re-election next year. One thing we know about Cogen, he likes to have options. But he is trying to buy a suitable campaign Web domain name … one without .xxx.

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Speaking of inappropriate behavior, Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke helped land the word "twerk" into the Oxford English Dictionary online update. If you don’t know what twerking is, probably best you keep your innocence. But we’re making a bet, how long before there are "twerk" classes at your local fitness clubs? BTW, other words Oxford approved: Bitcoin (digital money), digital-detox (kicking the Internet cold turkey), and selfie (which Greg Oden could take credit for inventing right here in Portland!) P.S.: Seems nobody agrees on what the U.S. should do about Syria. But we all support a drone strike on Miley Cyrus.

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The Obama rodeo clown has gone on record. Tuffy Gesling, a professional clown who’s been banned from the Missouri State Fair for life, said he “wasn’t hating on Obama” when he donned an Obama mask and taunted the crowd asking if the livestock should trample the president. He said it was a joke. Maybe he should have apologized sooner, but we hope he can keep his job. It’s one of the few jobs we can point to that was truly created by Obama.

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America’s No. 1 toxic air polluter is — drum roll, please — Portland’s own Precision Castparts. We took on and beat the big boys, including Bayer, GE and Exxon Mobil. Right here in River City. A bit embarrassing for such an environmentally proactive city. Mitigation? Use the Macadam Reo’s Ribs "smoke pollution" solution: Cancel their lease. But that only works on the little guy, doesn’t it?

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Went to the Oregon State Fair … Now we have a pretty good idea where the Type 2 diabetes epidemic started.