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Mark & Dave: Wipes, candidates, marriage, other things clogging the drain

Up in the Air


Beaverton has joined a handful of Washington County cities that hope to tap the Willamette River as a source for drinking water. Most days, we’re warned not to swim in it. It’s going to take a lot of

filters.

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That reminds us: We’re No. 2! The Portland Bureau of Environmental Services is telling customers the new “flushable” wipes are anything butt, er, but. Seems they don’t break down as quickly as regular toilet paper and are clogging up the sewer pipes. In Washington County (and communities across the country) hundreds of gallons of wipes are pulled from pipes every month. This is creeping us out big time, so can we move on now? Remember only two things are truly flushable. Three if you include most of City Hall’s ideas.

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Don’t understand all the consternation about seclusion rooms for students with behavior disorders. For most parents, the entire school is a seclusion room.

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Why Jeff Cogen matters? Because when a politician makes a terrible personal decision, we all become political pundits with strong opinions about performance. Maybe we should start paying attention to the other, less sexy decisions they make, like how will we pay for that new bridge, where is the library money really coming from. It’s the little things that make the big difference. If we had a nickel every time a politician cheated on his wife, we’d be able to pay the arts tax for the rest of our lives.

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Despite moral lapses, the job Jeff Cogen (and before him Ted Wheeler) did as Multnomah County chair has made the gig attractive again. Political wags are already weighing prospects of Oregon legislators who could fill the position. Among the names: Jules Bailey, Shemia Fagin, Alissa Keny Guyer and Jackie Dingfelder. Len Bergstein, president of Northwest Strategies, reminds us not to forget the “dynasty” candidates — anyone named Kafoury (already leaning in), Roberts or Smith (including Jefferson). Would he implode again?

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We have a new winner. Move over, woman stuck between two walls. A Tacoma man had to be rescued after getting stuck inside a 20-inch wide chimney. Nothing criminal. The young man told firefighters he was playing hide and seek ... alone. I guess his imaginary friend called 9-1-1.

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People who live in downtown Portland are thinner and more fit than those who live in the Portland suburbs. That’s according to the ZIP code-based BMI map published recently in the Trib. Owe it to the extra steps you take every day having to avoid homeless camps, panhandlers, skateboarders on sidewalks, cabbies who kick you out mid-fare, gang members who shoot into crowds and the plethora of inaccessible streets due to some kind of construction or street fair. And you thought living downtown was hazardous to your health.

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Clint Eastwood’s second wife has filed for separation from the actor and director. Married 17 years, the Eastwoods have grown apart. She’s seeking the spotlight with her own reality show, and he’s longing for private conversations with the chair.

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A Philippines man has endured 19 plastic surgeries in an effort to look just like Superman. Nose job, jaw realignment, pectoral implants, abdominal implants and more seem to be doing the trick. The 35-year-old man has been obsessed with the superhero since he was 5. He even plans a procedure to make him taller by implanting metal in his legs. Mark thinks he’s nuts. Dave wants to know more about the leg implants.

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He’s besties with North Korea dictator (and reported executioner of his ex-girlfriend) Kim Jong-Un, and now Dennis Rodman says he’s agreed to train North Korea’s Olympic basketball team. We know jobs are hard to find in today’s economy, but are Americans that desperate? Can only imagine what happens to Rodman if the team loses — the flickering lights of Pyongyang won’t be in tribute to Dennis, that’s for sure. At least they can attach the electrodes to Rodman’s piercings. On second thought, can we get Miley Cyrus as his assistant trainer?

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Despite some local sheriffs’ protests, blind people in Iowa are allowed to carry guns. And we aren’t allowed to text and drive?