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Mark & Dave: Start getting used to being idle on Foster

Foster Road is set to go on a road diet where the number of lanes will shrink to one in each direction over the next couple of years. The transportation bureau says the slimmer two-mile-plus stretch will add three minutes to your rush-hour commute. Let’s see, three minutes twice a day times 250 workdays is 1,500 minutes. That’s an extra 25 hours a year in traffic. Let’s hope there’s something nice to look at along the new Foster Road besides getaway cars.

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Last week’s notice to avoid contact with Willamette River water after a thunderstorm flew under the radar, probably because the weather was so sketchy no one cared. Seems the Big Pipe isn’t able to handle storms of a certain size, and we are being told to expect announcements like this a few times a year. We spent $1.4 billion on that? Why not just directly route our sewer system to the Mount Tabor reservoirs.

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Gwyneth Paltrow thinks you can hurt water’s feelings by yelling at or insulting it. Negativity, says the consciously uncoupled actress, changes the molecular structure of water. You think its feelings are hurt by yelling at it, imagine how it feels when you pee in it.

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Street fee ideas aside, we enjoy City Commissioner Steve Novick. Starting next Tuesday drivers with disabled parking permits will have to pay to park downtown. Novick says it’s time for those with the privilege to “be treated like everyone else,” and that means pay like everyone else. It had to sting that they heard it from “the fighter with the hard left hook.”

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Washington County voters will get to vote on street fees that would add $30 a year to their car registration costs. But they’re voting on it. Letting the people decide — what a concept. Wish we’d thought of it first.

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Does a TV in your bedroom mean less sex? That’s the consensus, but research has revealed the opposite: Having a TV in your bedroom adds up to more and better sex. It has something to do with watching certain channels together. Is that why our wives removed the TVs from our bedrooms?

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Kicks are so expensive that there’s now a resale market. New York’s Sneaker Pawn is just what they say it is, a pawn shop for old Nikes, Adidas — you name it. You think there’s no money in this business? Think again. Adidas World Cup cleats are more than $200 a copy and Nike’s WC offerings were flying off shelves at almost $300 a pop. Wonder how much we can get for an old pair of Keds?

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Peter Tuckel, researcher at City University of New York, studies habits of drivers and says that at any random daytime moment about 660,000 Americans are using cell phones or other electronic devices while operating a motor vehicle. He’s now afraid to walk on the sidewalk.

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Nielsen, those wonderful ratings people, say a new report found that consumers will pay more for products and services that make them feel warm and fuzzy all over. So people will spend more for a good cause. Are you listening City Hall? The street fee is better sold as a “get out of Portland” fee.

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British Airways flight attendants are being instructed on what to do if a passenger dies in-flight. The bathroom is out. “Disrespectful.” And if the body shifts on landing and blocks the door, you practically have to take apart the aircraft to get that person out. The official policy is to put the decedent in the most private area possible. With planes flying at near capacity, that could be, well, next to you. Nice to know they won’t delay other passengers.

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Those who can’t do, teach? The state of Oregon is launching a new program to teach computer coding to thousands of residents of Multnomah and Washington counties. The goal is to train a high-demand work force — all at no cost. Our question: Do you really want to learn computer coding from the people who brought you Cover Oregon?

• • • 

Last week, President Obama said he wants his daughters

to work minimum-wage jobs before they go to college. And thanks to him, they will.

Listen to Mark and Dave 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays on AM 860 KPAM. Follow them at http://www.facebook.com/themarkand daveshow.