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Mark & Dave: Portland loses Spin City title to Big Apple

Flint, Mich., may embrace Scientology in an effort to stem the moral decay of its community. Yes, they’re hoping the principles of L. Ron Hubbard might curb the high rates of crime and poverty. All of a sudden those wacky ideas coming out of Portland City Hall don’t seem so crazy anymore. New bumper sticker: Keep Flint Weirder.

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You heard about the poor Great Dane that was feeling miserable and retching so badly the owners took him to DoveLewis Emergency Animal Hospital. Veterinarians removed 43 1/2 socks from his stomach. They thought it was so unusual that they entered the story into a vet magazine contest called, “They Ate What?” That’s the same thing the cat says when he sees the dog walking away from the litter box.

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We’re no longer No. 1. Not sure how it happened but Portland is now No. 4 on the list of bike-friendly cities. New York is now No. 1. New York! You can’t even walk in New York. We’ll show them once we open that new bicycle bridge across the Willamette — they’ll know we’re serious.

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A psych journal tells us that waiting for an experience, as opposed to a new object, makes you happier. Example, people waiting in line for a new iPhone actually enjoy the wait more than the actual phone. Crowds standing in line for the latest video game release at midnight are happier waiting. Oregon DMV needs to find a way to tap into that part of the brain.

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A shocking new survey says 52 percent of U.S. teens don’t know how to change a tire on a car; 32 percent don’t even have a clue on how to check tire pressure. Hope there’s an app for that.

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Fast food workers went on strike last week demanding a higher minimum wage. They want $15 an hour. Since when is fast food supposed to be a family-wage job? We thought it was for high school kids and seniors hoping to make ends meet. One suggestion: Before you go demanding big pay increases, try getting the order right.

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While you weigh the arguments of Measure 91, The University of Buffalo hypothesizes that pot may be the key to a healthy marriage. “Marijuana may increase positive effect, which in turn could reduce the likelihood of conflict and aggression.” In other words, if you are stoned, you won’t fight. You also could stay sober and do what we’ve learned to do. Just say “Yes, dear.”

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We’ve found the worst school in the world. We have to go to Australia where the Peregian Springs State School has banned unsupervised cartwheels on the playground after two students were hurt playing outside. It’s not going over well. Many parents worry about what they’ll ban next. Hate to sound old, but when we were kids, we played so rough it would make your head spin. Prison ball would be banned just for the name in today’s schools. We climbed jungle gyms above concrete playgrounds — with no helmets! We’ve become too protective of kids at play. Soon they won’t be able to run because we’ll have them encased in bubble-wrap.

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Now we know who to blame. It’s revealed that former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is the guy who wrote the text for the dreaded “Blue Screen of Death” in early Windows software. Perfect new owner for the Los Angeles Clippers.

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Just learned there’s a city in Brazil with an exceptionally attractive all-female population. Men are scarce in this remote village, but the 600 women of Noiva de Cordiero say it’s the closest thing to paradise. No parallel parking required.

Listen to Mark and Dave weekdays 3 to 6 p.m. on AM 860 KPAM.

Follow them on Facebook: www.facebook.com/themarkanddaveshow.

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