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Mark & Dave: Uber provides news fix in street fee's absence

Mark & DaveWe’re mourning the loss of our favorite subject — the street fee. What will we write about now that it’s been abandoned by Mayor Charlie Hales and Commissioner Steve Novick? Oh yeah, recent rains caused another overflow of the big pipe. Well done boys, well done.

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While the City of Portland tries to work out some kind of coexistence with Uber, a Princeton economist pulled the curtain back on what their drivers make — about $6 more per hour than their traditional taxi-driver doppelganger. However, that doesn’t include the cost of using their own cars as chariots. Uber better hope the city of Portland comes to some kind of agreement soon — and not debate this like the street fee. (Couldn’t resist.)

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Don’t try this at home. The latest health trend from across the pond: Urophagia. That is, adding drops of your own urine to your morning coffee to promote good health. It adds new meaning to the word European. As Portlanders we are pioneers at recycling, but this is going a little too far, even for us. Let’s just hope Starbucks doesn’t hear about this.

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Everybody wants to be like Lee Wachstetter, the Florida widow who sold everything and now lives as a permanent passenger on a luxury cruise ship. It costs her $164,000 a year, and she loves it. She calls it a fairy-tale life. Who wouldn’t like it? Free room service, maid service, excursions. She’s been around the world 15 times, seen more than 200 Elvis impersonators, and only had the norovirus 14 times.

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The U.S. Court of Appeals ruled last week that freedom of expression is alive. Americans are allowed to flip off the police and not get arrested for it. It also is the fastest way to find out you’ve got a taillight that’s out.

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As the saying goes, “Free is a very good price!” So naturally we’re excited about Microsoft’s announcement that Windows 10 will be available as a free upgrade. We hear it offers new interactive features, is compatible with a smartphone, and has a new, prettier Blue Screen of Death.

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Pope Francis’s latest message: “Learn to talk to one another.” Translated: Put down the iPhone and start communicating one-on-one. We gleaned that from his Twitter feed.

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His hair is the biggest cover-up since Watergate. Donald Trump, speaking to the crowd at the South Carolina Tea Party convention last week, said he is considering a run for the presidency in 2016. He says he’s the perfect choice. We don’t know about that — well, we do but never mind. However, we do like the idea of choosing our next president a la “Celebrity Apprentice.” And we’d love to be able to say, “You’re fired!”

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A Vancouver Island kid’s hockey league is tired of the fighting. Not on the ice, but in the stands. Abuse of players and officials by parents has become so bad that they are considering a “spectator-free weekend” where the kids will play to empty seats and just have fun. You know it’s bad when hockey thinks fans are violent.

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The Journal of Sensory Studies (who knew?) suggested that the price of a buffet can affect your perception of its taste. The more expensive the buffet, the better it tastes. That’s one way to measure. We judge a good buffet by the Body Mass Index of the people leaving the restaurant.

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We’ve hit peak bacon. What happens when a billion people eat bacon? Well, in China, one city’s officials are blaming their “severe air pollution” on the population’s addiction to fried bacon. Here in the United States, bacon has become so popular the New Hampshire lottery is now offering bacon-scented scratch-and-sniff tickets. Great idea, a slim chance to win a $1,000 and 100 percent chance your dog will eat the ticket.

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Lake Oswego police are on the cutting edge of treating overdose victims, carrying medication that can revive a stricken citizen before paramedics arrive. Makes us wonder, what are they ODing on in LO? Dom Pérignon? Pinot noir?

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The Big Game (formerly known as the Super Bowl) is Sunday, and Deflategate is still in the news. It’s ruined the Super Bowl (now known as the Big Game) for us. Not sure we’re ready for the ongoing sideline reports about soft balls.

Listen to Mark and Dave 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays on AM 860 KPAM. Follow them at http://www.facebook.com/themarkanddaveshow.

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