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Mark and Dave: Maybe we should turn the CRC over to Gov. Chris Christie

As of last week, the Portland Aerial Tram has carried 10 million riders. In celebration, the 10 millionth rider wins a private dinner for four aboard one of the tram cars. Let’s hope it’s not hospital food.

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We are not buying the story of the two South Dakota snowbirds, a husband and wife, who each scored a hole-in-one in the same round. Ted Wechsler nailed his shot off the par-three, 14th hole. Three holes later, his wife, Sandy, did the same at the 17th. We think she came close, and he just said, “Yes, dear,” to avoid an argument.

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Ne Quittez Pas restaurant in Tokyo offers a soil-based menu including potato starch and dirt soup, salad with dirt dressing, dirt risotto with sea bass, and for dessert dirt gratin. Has to do with soil rich in umami. Thought we beat them to it with our food carts.

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Former Canadian minister Paul Hellyer took to the airwaves last week to share with believers that aliens have landed on our planet. These extraterrestrials, who look just like us, appear to be unimpressed with our polluting lifestyle and refuse to share their advanced technologies until we change our ways. According to Hellyer, these aliens “already walk among us.” Finally an explanation for Randy Leonard.

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Why didn’t we think of this? A Seattle divorce attorney, who mediates couples who bitterly detest each other, says she can help Congress. She compares the august body to bickering couples. Trouble is, the federal government can’t get a divorce like the rest of her clients — so she came up with a 10-point intervention pamphlet that you can read at easingcongressionalgridlock.com. And you know, just like a bad spouse, Congress is willing to cheat on you.

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ODOT won’t give up on the Columbia River Crossing and neither will Gov. John Kitzhaber. A consultant’s report says tolls would cover the cost of the bridge. Since Washington decided not to share funding of the bridge, the costs would be financed entirely by Oregon (you). So, which side should pay the toll? Maybe the legalized marijuana users will get confused and we can charge them twice.

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If Oregon’s population continues to increase at its current rate our state may grow faster than any other state ahead of congressional reapportionment in 2020. There is a possibility that we would add a sixth member to our congressional delegation. Great. More bozos in D.C.

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CareerCast has given us the list of least and most stressful jobs in America. The least stressful job is audiologist (Probably one of the most satisfying, if you consider all the good that comes from their work.) The most stressful is Enlisted Military Personnel (Attention colleagues at the Trib: Newspaper reporter makes the most stressful job list at No. 8). We expect to see PR rep for Cover Oregon on the list next year.

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Little covered from last week’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas: A smartphone app that will control your oven (you’ll be able to preheat from your car before you get home). Now if they could come up with an app that controls what our spouses put in it.

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Colorado’s new marijuana law has culinary experts trying to pair foods with it. Like cheese with wine, or beer with salty foods, stoners have found the perfect food. It’s sushi. Yes, sushi. Tells you how much weed alters your decision-making.

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More companies are using Facebook to vet you. For instance, some credit agencies are reportedly combing various social media profiles to assess your credit worthiness. Not only could your posts make you a credit undesirable, your friends’ lists can be used to assess your standing in the community. Remember when Facebook used to be fun?

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The city of Portland has sold the water house. You know, the house showcasing ultimate water conservation built for more than $900,000 of your tax dollars. It sold for $394,500. At least they didn’t move Right 2 Dream Too into the house.

Hear Mark & Dave on AM 860 KPAM, from 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays. Visit their Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/themarkanddaveshow.

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