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  • 23 May 2015

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Mark & Dave: Beware of amateurs at the gas pumps

You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and people like you. At least the Oregon Legislature thinks so. They are pushing through a bill that will end the ban on self-serve gas in some parts of Oregon. While it may be nice to have someone to pump your gas, didn’t you ever wonder why our wise leaders thought you couldn’t? And maybe after a few turns at the pump, Oregonians can finally head to a Vancouver, Wash., gas station with greater sense of self confidence. Because your elected leaders think you can do it!

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Speaking of gas (and isn’t it uncanny how the words “Legislature” and “gas” fit together so well?), the Energy Department expects the price of gas to hover around $2.55-per-gallon from now into summer. Of course, in Oregon, we share refineries with California, which requires a different blend of gasoline, so over here it will mean more like $3 a gallon. Maybe if we start selling some water to our neighbors to the south we’ll make some money back.

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Teachers say they are overstressed and feel underappreciated in a new poll conducted by the American Federation of Teachers (wonder how objective they were). The survey shows 96 percent of teachers are emotionally or physically exhausted at the end of each school day. If you’re a parent, you know the kids are feeling overwhelmed. We agree, there is too much testing in schools. Maybe it’s time we started testing the politicians.

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Portland is bringing up the rear when it comes to disposable diapers (pun intended). Seems too many Portlanders are throwing the used disposables into recycle bins. Where is the logic of tossing a dirty diaper in the recycle bin? Heck, environmentalists are just making headway into the war on BPA’s and now they have to tackle this. Think Portland; paper, glass and certain plastics go in the recycle bin. Dirty diapers go in your neighbor’s trash can.

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Oregon state Sen. Floyd Prozanski (D-Eugene) is pitching marijuana delivery services for “dry” cities and counties that ban legal marijuana sales. These services would mean pot delivery to patients (wink) in areas off-limits to dispensaries (wink) and future retail stores. Isn’t it odd that you can’t have booze delivered to your home, but the state appears overly enthusiastic to deliver weed to your front door. Maybe the senator can just piggyback this service into pizza delivery. You know, a two-birds one-stoner kind of thing?

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Oh, and if Oregon State police are still looking for the quintessential marijuana field sobriety test — we suggest that motorists suspected of DWH (Driving While High) be required to spell Prozanski. That’ll catch ‘em.

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Who wasn’t amused with last week’s report that Oregon had the cheapest marijuana in the nation? It isn’t even legal here yet. Which reminds us, if you are thinking of making a fortune selling recreational pot, remember, Mr. or Ms. Businessperson, your business expenses will not be tax-deductible on your federal return. The feds still see it as an illegal enterprise, and rent, salaries, and sky-high utility and water bills won’t qualify for any deductions or credits. Looks like Uncle Sam will have the last laugh after all.

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Last week’s revenue forecast projects a “kicker” in our future. Exact amounts won’t be known for another six weeks, but the average could be in the neighborhood of $280. If the city has its way, you will spend it all in one place: on the street fee.

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A Vancouver, British Columbia, woman gave birth on an Air Canada flight to Tokyo last week. Here’s the twist: She didn’t know she was pregnant. Air Canada took it in stride, sending the new mom a sentimental tweet. But if you thought sitting next to a screaming kid on a plane was bad, imagine if they asked you to cut the cord? We’re wondering if they charged her for an extra seat.

Listen to Mark and Dave 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays on AM 860 KPAM. Follow them at: www.facebook.com/themarkanddaveshow.

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