Sports Column

Schonz's return shot was a "Rip City"

By steve brandon

The Portland Tribune, Oct 20, 2009, Updated Oct 30, 2009 (5 Reader comments)

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It's a matter of taste, to large extent. Listening to Schonely is like going to a Sinatra concert and an NBA game breaks out. Listening to "Wheels" is like going to a pro basketball game and WWE breaks out.

Both root, root, root for the home team, Wheeler just does it LOUDER and more vociferously. Schonely can call out a referee (or replacement referee), too, but he does it more politely, and of a kinder generation. You know Schonely cares, but you get the feeling that he doesn't care more than is appropriate. Not enough to throw a fit. Wheeler is more apt to be on the Zebras from the opening tip and call for full and immediate retribution.

Unquestionably, Wheeler gives far more information than Schonely – more detail on where the ball-handler is on the court, estimated distances on shots, the defensive match-ups, who is checking into the game, how many full timeouts and 20-second timeouts are left, if a team has a foul to give, etc., etc. He answers just about every question you might have, sometimes before you even think to ask it.

Wheeler knows the game and is terrific at being able to quickly identify a foul and who it's on, and other events, almost as soon as the whistle blows.

While Wheeler is right on top of the action, Schonely usually plays catch-up on the details, or just sticks with the primary thing: A shot goes up, is it a miss or a make? That's where the analyst can and should come into play when working with Schonely, giving the extra details than he wouldn't necessarily have to do with a play-by-play man like Wheeler, who crams as much data as he can into each possession.

The chemistry between Schonely and his once-again partner, Mike Rice, was excellent on Wednesday – and so much fun. Rice had spot-on observations to balance Schonz's general scene-setting. And Rice came across light-hearted and loose. That's a lot more pleasant to listen to than a bunch of crying over questionable officials' calls from the outset and stressing out during the inevitable ebbs and flows of an NBA game.

If I have a complaint about much of today's NBA play-by-play, it's that the announcers often make every game like it's a matter of life and death, and react to every call or non-call as if it's a criminal offense.

It's an 82-game season, guys, and it hasn't even started yet.

Also, again like him or not, Wheeler tends to play the "enemy" card – so popular in pro wrestling, where there has to be a villain. It's Kobe Bryant or Gregg Popovich or Shaquille O'Neal or whoever is playing the Blazers that night. The opposing coach, if things aren't going for his team, is always "disappointed! dejected! and demoralized!!!" This makes for terrific conflict and circling of the wagons in this one-sport town. With Schonely, there is more old-fashioned grace and respect for the opponent, instead of a quick putdown.

In the same way, the "marketing" plan with Wheeler is the more modern, i.e., intense: "You had to be here to believe what just happened! ... ," and here's the number to call for tickets ...

Schonely, on the other hand, comes at you more like a Little Leaguer selling cookie dough ... he makes you want to support a good cause, which in his case, is the Blazers.

Listening to Wheels, I get the feeling that when the Blazers win, it's one big party, but when they lose, the world is a cold place – or else it was just that the refs screwed the good guys or the opposing superstar got the calls or some other explanation.

With Schonely, it feels to me like, hey, we're having a good time, aren't we, and it's great to be here with you all again ... and, oh, by the way, Brandon Roy just scored and now has 16 points, how about that?

Both broadcasters have their pet phrases, like them or not, as well. I used to take issue with certain ones, such as Schonely's "dribble drive" – how else do you drive in basketball except by dribbling?

But you learn to love the quaintness (at least if you're a Baby Boomer or older). I'll put up with 10 or 20 dribble drives more easily than one too many "oooh, that was NASTY!"s or "Yao Ming – you've been posterized!" Maybe it's just me, but I tend to think those somewhat derogatory expressions – granted, said in the spirit of fun, I guess, and perhaps never heard by the opposition – might result in some bad karma for the Blazers. What goes around, even over the air waves, might come around, and bite you. Even as a radio listener, I have a little coach in me, not wanting to take the chance of providing the other team any bulletin board MP3s.

Schonely's comeback night was a bit like watching Tom Watson at the British Open. Watson is going to compete with the flat bellies every week, but it was a blast seeing him show them a thing or two and have both his swing and putter in the groove for nearly 72 holes.

A year from now is a long time away, but I'd second anyone who wants to nominate the Schonz for another exhibition appearance next season, health willing.

He deserves to be a starter next time, too – maybe do the pregame and first and fourth quarters, if not the entire game.

Bingo, bango, bongo.

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