Phil Stanford/On the Town

Trade Damon? Not if the local comedians have anything to say about it. É Art Krug says he hasn't come up with a final version yet. 'But I'm working on something about wrapping your stash in aluminum foil to go through a metal detector.' É And while no one wishes to disparage the comedic talents of small forward Qyntel Woods who, when stopped for speeding and marijuana use last winter, handed the officer his rookie trading card instead of a driver's license the real deal will always be 'Sheed and Damon. É Who can ever forget the night they were pulled over for speeding down I-5 in a yellow Hummer after a game in Seattle? And when the arresting officer asked if anyone had any marijuana in his possession, 'Sheed said: Nope, we already smoked it up. É 'These guys make Cheech and Chong look like a think tank,' says Krug. É But making fun of Stoudamire hardly requires a pro's touch. Even law enforcement officials are getting into the act. 'It's gone from Dumb and Dumber in a Hummer to the Moron in Tucson,' cracked Jeremy Randolph, the Lewis County, Wash., prosecutor who pursued marijuana possession charges against Stoudamire last year.

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City Hall sources say Vera will announce next week whether she plans to run for a fourth term in office. É Hate to take any of the suspense out of it, but according to excellent sources, when John Russell dropped by last week to tell her he was retiring as chairman of the Portland Development Commission, Vera told him, my, what a coincidence and, by the way, he ought to think about running for mayor himself. É John may not interested, but the others are lining up as we speak. É Mike Hale, over at Elmer's Flag & Banner on Northeast Broadway, informs me that those French-looking flags flying from the Dairy Queen across from Franklin High aren't French after all. É Real French flags have vertical red, white and blue stripes. These are horizontal. Well, pardonnez moi.

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Here's one I bet you didn't know: Back in the '40s, or so the story goes, the national crime syndicate seriously considered turning Sauvie Island into a casino resort complex. Since Portland was a wide-open town at the time, it made a certain amount of sense. É Things got serious enough that mob-connected businesses such as the Del Webb Corp. started buying up land. É Then one day, famous mobster Bugsy Siegel came to visit and while he was here, it never stopped raining. Screw it, said Bugsy, or words to that effect, and there went Portland's chance to become Las Vegas.

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Mugsy Dolan writes to say if there's one thing that ticks him off, it's SmartPark Pigs: 'You know, the ones who leave their cars parked across the lines, taking up two parking places.' É He thinks the management of the city-owned parking garages should commission a sticker in the form of a big fat pig to plaster on the windshields of offenders. Mugsy, I'm with you all the way. É Have I got this straight? Multibillionaire Paul Allen wants the city to bail him out on the Memorial Coliseum deal by permitting his people to turn it into a Costco or something of that ilk? É I don't think so. É First of all, it would suck a lot of retail business out of downtown and the Lloyd Center. É Second, why doesn't he finance the conversion of the building to a recreation center? Isn't it about time Big Bad Paul did something for P-town besides providing it with its longest-running basketball comedy act?

Contact Phil Stanford by phone at 503-546-5166 or by e-mail at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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