There are more holidays out there than you can shake a Hallmark card at.

Mikel Kelly is the former managing editor of the Beaverton Valley Times, The Times as well as the Lake Oswego Review. He is now chief of the central editing and design desk for Community Newspapers and the Portland Tribune, and he contributes a regular column.

I have a new favorite website, and it’s called The Ultimate Holiday Site (found, curiously enough, at

Now, check my ability to read your mind. You already thought we were on the brink of having too many holidays as it is, right? There are all those usual ones throughout the year, plus the assorted birthdays of friends and family members — not to mention the handful of critical anniversaries you cannot afford to forget.

All of this is combining to create pressure in your brain that is almost exactly the same as if your body were released to float out into space, which, as we know from the movies, would make your head, quite literally, explode.

Well, you’d better fasten your space helmet, you silly goose, because once you check out, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

The Ultimate Holiday Site, if you hadn’t guessed by now, is an off-shoot of the Hallmark Channel — which makes perfect sense because who stands to gain more from a beefed-up roster of holidays than a business empire originally built on the greeting card?

Today (if you are reading this on the Thursday publication day of most of our weekly papers) is my birthday. It’s something I have in common with the singer known as Meat Loaf. And, what’s more, last Friday was the birthday of the other person who lives at our house — so we’re already kind of sensitive to the whole special-day thing, if you know what I mean.

But there happen to be many other special things about Sept. 27, and I know this because I’m keeping one eye on the Ultimate Holiday Site.

It is, for instance, Ancestor Appreciation Day. Genealogy, the website explains, “is the second most popular hobby among Americans (gardening is number one)…”

Today is also National Crush a Can Day. There’s probably a story behind that, but I don’t have time to investigate it.

And, finally, it is National Thank You Day.

The Hallmark people who write the little explanations of these holidays went into some detail about Thank You Day: “Whether you’re grateful for someone passing the ketchup or a compliment about your snazzy new leisure suit, today is the day to say THANK YOU. And if someone thanks you, be sure to thank them for thanking you. And if someone thanks you for thanking them, then remember to thank them for thanking you for thanking them.”

Sorry, but that’s the kind of thing you find on The Ultimate Holiday Site.

Looking ahead to Saturday, Sept. 28, I see that day is going to be Drink a Beer Day, National Ask a Stupid Question Day and National Strawberry Cream Pie Day.

Putting aside the two that pertain to consumables, what exactly does one get another person for National Ask a Stupid Question Day?

And, looking ahead to Sunday, start thinking about how you plan to observe Confucius Day, Happy Goose Day, National Coffee Day and National Poisoned Blackberry Day.

Monday should be a light one. Only Chewing Gum Day and National Mud Pack Day on the calendar. That’s a relief.

Because it’s still fairly fresh in my own mind, I clicked back to my wife’s birthday to see what the rest of the world was celebrating when her odometer turned over. Hmmm, International Peace Day (established in 1981) and World Gratitude Day.


Another weird thing about this website, especially where September is concerned, is the fact that it begins, quite literally, with Emma M. Nutt Day. Ms. Nutt, if you were about to ask, was the woman who in 1878 became the first female telephone operator.

Of course, September goes on to include National Beheading Day, Eat an Extra Dessert Day, National Fight Procrastination Day, Weinerschnitzel Day, Sewing Machine Day, TV Dinner Day, “I Want to Start My Own Business” Day, Positive Thinking Day, Make a Hat Day, National Cream-filled Donut Day, Step Family Day, Talk Like a Pirate Day and lots more.

So many holidays, (sigh) so many cards to buy.

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